Peter the Great (1986)

My two all-time favorite biographies have been made into miniseries.  HBO got to David McCullough's "John Adams" after the turn of the century and gave it a treatment worthy of the best network miniseries of the 1970s and 1980s.  Robert Massie's masterpiece "Peter the Great," as astonishing a work of nonfiction as has ever been produced, was made into a miniseries 1986 (and won the Emmy for Best Miniseries).  Despite a notoriously troubled production (the firing of the first director, a leading man who disappeared during filming), this all-star miniseries is sweeping epic saga at its finest.

There are few historical figures as gigantic as Peter the Great, the Tsar credited with bringing Russia into the modern age and giving it the first pushes it needed to become the wealthiest and most autocratic of the European nations.  The man was a force of nature.  He said build a city, and St. Petersburg was erected in a staggeringly short time in a locale not at all likely for a major hub.  He said build a navy, and not only was it built, but Peter himself worked right along with the men making the boats.  He loved to travel and, unlike most European rules, actually did so, mostly incognito.  He had great loves, fought great wars and even killed his own son (indirectly), making for as turbulent a succession after his death  as he found when he ascended the throne.  There is a lot of story to tell here, and with bravery and keen precision, most of it gets told honestly and with the details in the right places (of course, there is license taken, time lines altered characters cut or molded into fictional place keepers, sex added, etc.).  At 380 minutes, "Peter the Great" is massive, but truly worth the time.  Like "John Adams," or, more familiarly and more to the point, like "Roots," "Peter the Great" does not dumb down its subject.  This is smart writing, smart enough that it gives us the facts and still manages to entertain. 

The story, narrated by Peter the Great, starts in 1682 when a ten-year old Peter is simply the brother of the current Tsar Ivan, a mentally handicapped youth.  Thus, their mother Natalia (Lili Palmer) is the regent.  Young Peter is less interested in learning "how to think," but rather "how things work."  The country ruled by this family was a gigantic expanse, but governed mostly by the Boyars, strong noblemen with their own armies, and the Church.  As Peter narrates, the "real power" was the streltsy, a fearless army formed by Ivan the Terrible toward the end of the 16th Century.  It's this army that Peter's half sister Sophia (Vanessa Redgrave, who would play Empress Elizabeth in "Young Catherine") has convinced that Peter and his mother mean to kill Tsar Ivan.  She hopes this rumor will turn everyone against them and she can take the reigns of government for herself. 

There is wild confusion in Moscow, and in the Kremlin itself.  Prince Romodanovsky (Omar Sharif, who played Tsar Nicholas II in "Anna: The Mystery of Anastasia" the same year), speaking on "behalf of the Council of Boyars," begs the Patriarch of the Church to get involved, but the wily politician claims, "it's a secular matter."  His word saying Natalia does not mean to kill Ivan would settle the matter.  No one knows how this will turn out, so everyone's bets are hedged.  Poor Tsar Ivan is locked in a closet while Sophia gathers her forces and Peter and Natalia go into hiding.  Ultimately, with a gun to his head, the Patriarch joins Prince Romodanovsky and forces Sophia to show the people Ivan with the promise that she, not Natalia, will be regent.  The streltsy are bloodthirsty and kill anyone they find (almost Peter and his mother, if not for a brave peasant), until the Patriarch calms them.  Sophia brings Ivan to the palace steps to show he is alive, along with Peter and his mother, "united in tranquil harmony."  The Prince says Natalia has decided to retire as regent and Sophia is officially regent. 

This hardly solves anything.  Prince Romodanovsky, the Patriarch and all of the major players gather to decide the succession because Ivan cannot rule and there are few who back Sophia and her lover as regents and successors.  She claims that when Ivan dies, power will naturally go to Peter, but everything about her demeanor suggests she'll make sure Peter never gets the chance.  The Patriarch tries to mediate, but Prince Romodanovsky shuts him down, braying that he's "blind to the lusts of man."  The proposed solution is that Sophia is regent, but both Ivan and Peter are anointed by "Holy Church" as co-Tsars.  "We would merely be providing for succession in case of emergency, dearest Sophia," Natalia says with fake sweetness.  With the streltsy dismissed, and with the support of the palace guard, the Patriarch and the Boyars, Natalia is feeling very confident.  Sophia is incensed, but has no choice but to agree. 

Peter wants to return the knife that saved his life to the peasant, Alexander Menshikov (Helmut Griem), even if it means leaving the Kremlin and seeing what the "real Russia" looks like.  Peter finds Alexander in a stable with a woman and insists Alexander return to the Kremlin with him.  On the ride back, Peter allows Alexander to speak freely.  Alexander tells him, "the people don't care who rules...a man only wants a good woman, his vodka, his black bread," but Peter says, "it will change" when he takes over as "it is God's will."  This is typical Peter, his ear to the ground, actually bothering to listen to what anyone outside the halls of power want.  Unfortunately, a good heart beat within too deep an autocratic body and many of Peter's changes were easily undone by his successors, though that is getting way ahead of the story.

Sophia enlists the help of a particularly ambitious priest, Father Theodosius (Algis Arlauskas), whom she agrees to "reward in this life as well as the next" if he gains Peter's confidence and reports back to her. 

The boys go through a heavily traditional coronation, which is troublesome for Ivan, who only wants a "trained bear" out of being Tsar.  But, it's gorgeously presented, with opulent costumes and lighting, tons of extras, everything as gorgeous as possible. 

Until 1692, "Sophia ruled unopposed" when the Tartars invaded from the south, terrorizing the population and plundering the churches.  Neither the palace guard nor the majority of the Boyars (led, as always, by Prince Rodomanovsky support Sophia's battle plan, but she says that the "Tsar has absolute powers when it comes to matters of national security."  Her favorite, Prince Golitsyn (Geoffrey Whitehead), has a plan, though no one is putting too much stock in it.  In swoops an older Peter (Jan Niklas), a rare visitor to state councils, who immediately pokes holes Golitsyn's plan.  When Sophia forces everyone to go along with the plan, Peter announces he's moving out of the Kremlin.  Everyone is aghast, but Ivan pipes up that "I don't like the Kremlin, it's dark and it stinks."  Ultimately, Peter doesn't care who rules Russia.  His interests lay elsewhere, such as shipbuilding, an unknown industry in Russia. 

Peter wants to live in The Wooden Palace, to be surrounded by peasant soldiers where he will be one of the regulars.  He insists that Alexander be his aide and Alexander's brother be assigned a post as well, making them "the wealthiest family in Moscow," he is told sarcastically.  "Wealth is the only thing that keeps the people from stealing," Peter says with a smile.  Away from the Kremlin, Peter can also indulge his love of boats, learning to sail first of all.  He masters it with immediate ease, well, almost.  He capsizes trying to stop and is helped ashore by Captain Gordon (Jeremy Kemp, between his gigs on the Wouk miniseries).  No one can believe the Tsar has come to their small village, but he is unpretentious and thrilled to put on "Western dress." 

Gordon, who is Scottish, introduces Peter to Western spirits as well: gin, brandy, rum, "all of it."  There are plenty of seafaring devices he wants to master, things the Russian court, stuck way in the past, has never even heard of.  Gordon has one of Isaac Newton's books and explains its gravity to Peter.  "I will have it translated," Peter declares and wants to meet Newton.  Impetuously, Peter asks Gordon to train his personal soldiers. 

Peter, a soldier among his other recruits, goes through Gordon's "exercises" of training.  He expects to be treated like the rest and even apologizes when he hurts a comrade.  Fresh from the faux battle, Peter decides to have a religious tussle with Father Theodosius before greeting his mother and the Patriarch.  They are there to tell him it's time to marry.  Sophia is forcing Ivan to get married as well, but no one expects him to produce an heir.  Therefore, it's up to Peter.  "I have other things on my mind," he blithely informs them.  Knowing he has no choice, he chirps, "okay, Mother, find someone...set the date!" and leaves them. 

Returning to the foreign colony, Peter is enchanted by everything he sees and hears, especially the women. With one eye always on the ladies, Peter asks the Westerners what they honestly think of of Russians.  "Isolated, fearful, gated," he is told, and he adds "ignorant."  The answer to opening up Russia is trade, a merchant fleet protected by a navy.  His new Dutch friends are the experts there.  But Russia has only Archangel as a port.  Of course, in order to produce any of this, the serfs need to be educated.  "If Russia does not learn how to be strong, your land will be stolen by your foes.  Your country will stagnate and cease to exist," he is told honestly, and appreciates it. 

Gordon has arranged dancing to please the Tsar and Alexander bravely tries to jump in with a physician's daughter who is to his liking.  He instructs one of the other girls to "ask the Tsar to dance," but she, like everyone else, is fearful.  He's the one who is afraid, since he does not know how to dance, but she offers to teach him and he gets the hang of it pretty quickly. 

A proper wife is found for Peter, Eudoxia (Natalia Andreychenko), though the Tsar remains fairly uninterested.  Her father lets her go, giving Peter a whip with which to "admonish" her if she gets out of line.  He kisses her on the forehead and then tells everyone, "see you at the wedding" before bouncing out.  Another interminable but ornate Russian Orthodox ceremony is required for the wedding.  Their first night together is not smooth.  She cries and cries and can't even drink the vodka he offers.  She's a virgin and when he bends to kiss her, she falls to her knees in prayer.  He's actually quite sweet when it comes time for the deed, killing the candles and leaving a flower on her pillow.  But, when she calls making love a "sacrifice," he storms out and goes for the Dutch tavern girl instead.  "I can offer you whatever I have sire, simple but satisfying," she tells him. 

Emboldened by that success, he comes home, fakes a bloody sheet to keep everyone away from his door and then announces to his wife, "Madame, the time for modesty is over," before taking her most brutally.  Here is the more of the dichotomy in Peter.  He can be completely at ease with friends or foreigners, but he was raised to be a Tsar who can have whatever he wants, cruelty included.  This is a struggle Peter will have for the rest of his life, and so ends the first portion.

Returning to his narration, Peter calls his life "rigid," with fun to be had only when playing with his personal soldiers under the command of Gordon.  "These men would ultimately have to defend me against those Russians who were wedded to the past," he says ominously.  Along with Gordon and Alexander, Peter has added another companion, Peter Tolstoy (Gunther Maria Halmer).  News arrives that Golitsyn has lost his battle, with 45,000 men gone, though Sofia intends to welcome him home as a hero.  This information is brought to them from Shafirov (Mike Gwilym) and his acceptance by Peter teaches an interesting lesson: as religious as Peter was brought up to be, he's accepting of all religions.  Shafirov is Jewish, but in the room with him at the time are a Catholic, Lutherans and even a "devil worshipper," as he lovingly calls Alexander.  He doesn't care about people's religious attachments.  A friend is a friend. 

Peter arrives in the middle of Sophia's amusingly stilted ceremony praising Golitsyn, which even she has trouble getting through.  Peter has Golitsyn sit on his throne as he relays the truth about Golitsyn's "success" and stomps out just as quickly.  He has his tavern wench to go to and that's far more exciting to him.  She's just as sexually rapacious as he is.  It's worth saying over and over, Peter is a man of vast and insatiable appetites. 

An assassination is attempted, and Peter is involved in hand-to-hand combat saving himself, but at the end of the episode, he hears bells and Alexander says, "I think you've become a father."  Imperial Russia goes into overdrive with the news that he has a son, the Tsarevich Alexis.  After the assassination fiasco, Peter realizes he has to "go back to the Kremlin" in order to be ready for a power grab.  The Wooden Palace is "totally indefensible," opines Gordon and Peter knows time is approaching for a major political move.  He refuses to harm Ivan, because "my brother and I are at peace." Shafirov reports to Prince Romodanovsky that Peter is returning to the Kremlin "to overthrow Sophia" and the Prince replies to "tell Peter I am with him to the death."  The palace guard swears loyalty to him as well.  When Alexander's brother is killed at the Kremlin, there is certainly no turning back.  He was one of the Tsar's best friends. 

Peter's men gain entrance to the Kremlin by posing as drunkards, overpowering the guards to take their revenge on the killer of Alexander's brother.  Alexander shoots him right in the forehead.  Peter appears at the funeral, though Alexander's family feels his son was "seduced by the devil that lives in the Tsar's body."  This is important because it shows what common people were thinking about Peter and his love of foreigners and their ways.  "If I have to lose the love of my people to do what I have to do for them, so be it," Peter tells Alexander after hearing the assault on his character. 

While six months of planning the coup are in motion, Natalia becomes sick.  This gives Lili Palmer, a fine actress in her day, one last career chance to play a deathbed scene. 

Meanwhile, Sophia and Golitsyn see the army turning against them.  When they go to arrest a man they see as a troublemaker, Golitsyn ends up a prisoner instead.  The men next go to arrest Sophia, who claims "to be ready."  They ask where her luggage is.  "I won't need luggage where I'm going."  "Where is that?" "Heaven, I hope."  "The Tsar does not want your life."  "How foolish, I still want his," Sophia replies.  That is great efficient writing!  "Do you want to chain me?" Sophia asks on the way out.  "No, I'd prefer to shoot you," she is told. 

With Peter back in the Kremlin, Prince Romodanovsky reads the verdicts on Sophia and Golitsyn.  Finding that Golitsyn "did not personally aspire to the thrown," he's stripped of rank and money and sent to exile in a far-off village "for the remained of his life."  Sophia is sent to a monastery "for the remainder of her natural life."  Sophia gives Golitsyn a kiss before going, which Alexander scoffs at.  "Don't mock them, Alexander.  Love in any form is rare enough," Peter says watching the episode from high above.  "I wonder if we've seen the last of them," Peter wonders as the two are marched from the Kremlin.  "I doubt it.  She is, after all, your sister," Alexander replies. 

Peter still keeps his mistress Anna Mons (Renee Soutendjik), whom he tells, "would that I could be a simpler man and spend all my time with you."  He leaves Anna with presents and a big kiss because his mother's illness is worsening.  To give his mother her last pleasures, he brings his son to her, but his wife is furious that he would take a baby into a sickroom.  He assures her the doctor said the baby cannot catch what his mother has, but that's based on foreign doctors, which she refuses to even acknowledge.  Peter then has to deal with the Patriarch, who has been telling everyone Peter is mad, in the service of "foreigners and heretics."  Peter informs him, "the church is a human institution...in my reign, it will be kept in its proper place...God, Holy Father, looks after many kingdoms and many churches."  The Patriarch warns him the Russian people will "never accept" this thinking, a threat if ever there was one.  His mother dies. 

Though Peter's wife makes it clear she won't mourn for her mother-in-law, call in the extras and the big sets because Russia is putting on a funeral.  Peter is told that the peasants are at the gates, menacing, and Peter orders the gates opened.  The peasants are there praying for his soul, the possessed one the Patriarch has everyone convinces is inside him.  "Anyone who believes that is a fool!" Peter roars at them.  He delivers his credo of catching up with the West, telling them at the end, "I will drag you, kicking and screaming, into the modern world!" and charges off on his horse.  And he means it!  More bad news.  The Tartars have attacked again, killing even women and children.  "We go back to Azov," he insists," this time by water," now ordering a navy built from nothing.  "We leave no enemy alive on Russian soil," he tells his followers, right there in church.

Years pass as Peter builds his navy and watches his son grow up, keeping him close by to show him, "the Tsar not only rules his people, but he serves them, no matter what the cost."  His naval dream is not very popular, as it drains the country of money and men, not to mention the Tsar's distance from Moscow.  He wants a "waterway to the East" through the Black Sea, but tells little Alex that after that, "we will take the Baltic, not in my lifetime, but in yours."  Those are far-reaching plans, and Peter intended to make it happen. 

Finally, Peter gets to battle the Turks, as he's always wanted.  The cannon battle is loud and scary for Alexis, but Peter wants him to witness it to make him brave.  It doesn't work.  The relentless shelling of the fortress at Azov gains Peter a foothold and he exacts horrible revenge on the Turks.  He actually holds Alexis' head in place to watch firing squads relentlessly mow down enemy prisoners.  It's here Peter gets the news that his brother and co-ruler Ivan is dead.  Alexis pipes that he thinks Peter had Ivan killed to "become the only Tsar," information fed to him by his mother. 

It's celebrating in Azov that Peter meets Catherine (Hanna Schygulla).  In this version, she's basically a prostitute who works her way up to Alexander Menshikov.  When Peter finds out that Menshikov has been selling inferior uniforms to his soldiers, he's livid, but Catherine calms him down, grabbing his hand and telling him, "you are a simple man...don't be so hard on yourself" and she moves on from Menshikov to Peter. 

The Tsar finally returns to The Wooden Palace, Catherine in tow, commenting that the palace could so easily burn down.  "Soon, I will build a city of stone," Peter insists, another promise he will keep.  Manipulative Catherine consolidates her hold over Peter by telling him his friends and servants "are distant" to her, and he promises to have them killed if that continues.  Peter's wife leaves The Wooden Palace, refusing to "share you with this...this laundress," as she called Catherine.  She's cleverly sent Alexis ahead to Moscow, or so she thinks, assuming that's her ace, but Peter tells her, "nothing in this world is permanent, not even the wives of the Tsars." 

A very angry Peter meets his council for the first time in many years, informing them that he intends to fight the Swedes for control of the Baltic and to raise a proper navy by taxing everyone in the land, from the peasants to the Boyars and "even the Church."  In order to maintain control of the Baltic once he wins it, he decides to build St. Petersburg.  He insists his son go with him, though his wife snaps, that if he takes him, "he'll hate you even more than he already does."  This proves to be true as Peter gives him a sailing lesson.  Alexis is rather hopeless and when he falls in the water and dissolves into tears, Peter is furious. 

Back in Moscow, the Patriarch and others unhappy with Peter's decrees, try to enlist the Tsarina's help, but she claims "I'm not clever enough" to do battle with Peter and will not openly defy him, though the while time there's a sparkle in her eyes that says otherwise.  The plotters settle for her silence should they make any moves.  Peter narrates as the second part of the movie ends that the Boyars, the Patriarch and even his old nemesis Sophia are lined up against him.  "The smoldering ashes would be raked into flames."

More time passes, so much time that Jan Niklas is replaced by Maximilian Schell as Peter.  He's an infrequent visitor to Moscow, where he's finally left his son in his wife's clutches to pursue his goals.  On this trip, Peter seems to have no desire to see Alexis (Boris Plotnikov), who wants to see his father.  Peter argues with Prince Romodanovsky, who has seemingly lined up against Peter with the Patriarch, though the Prince explains why he's doing it: for promises made by his grandfather to Peter's and to make for a civil council between the Boyars and the Church.  But the wily Prince can play both sides.  He takes Peter into the supposedly forgotten burial chamber of Tsar Michael, which is filled with treasure, "to be used for Russia's rainy day."  The Prince suggests that Peter use it instead of taxing the Church and stop them from halting his plans.  Peter is warned that if he does tax the Church, "it will bring you down and maybe the dynasty."  "I will use this AND tax the Church," Peter proclaims, still not one to bow to anyone's demands.  He then has Shafirov create a spy network that is "loyal only to me," something Shafirov is more than happy to do.  This network would be a constant source of hatred until the end of the Romanov dynasty. 

In order to get his navy made, Peter needs shipbuilders from Western Europe and the only way to get them is to cozy up to the various countries, so Peter decides that he and his cadre of loyal friends will make a grand tour.  "No Tsar has ever left Russia," Menshikov says, somewhat alarmed, "the people will panic.  Your leaving Russia will signal the end of the world to many.  That will add to our problems."  Gordon chimes in to say if this happens, Peter will be "drowned in protocol."  Peter has a solution for that too: he will travel "incognito" while his minions deal with the protocol.  Intending to find out what has made the Swedes, Germans, French and British so successful, he will steal talent if he has to.  His friends are very nervous.  To be historically accurate, Peter went with two purposes.  The first was to learn, and the second was to form alliances against the Swedes.  He picked a lousy time, with England having just switched dynastic families and the rest of Western Europe involved in The War of Spanish Succession. 

Peter's greatest foe for nearly the rest of his life would be the King of Sweden (Christoph Eichhorn), everything Peter is not: educated and Western.  His favorite spy is Athalie, Countess Desmond (Ursula Andress), whom he makes sure occupies the beds of all of Europe's greats in order to learn secrets.  Another of his spies is good old Father Theodosius, who reports all of the Tsar's movements to him.  King Charles tells Athalie she's to take up residence in the Tsar's bed during his European jaunt, but she says, "the Tsar has simpler tastes than I can provide," a catty reference to Catherine.  Well, then Gordon's best will be fine. 

In order for us to understand Peter's mindset, there are two scenes that are superbly written.  The first involves Catherine.  The two are on their way to Moscow when they encounter a woman buried up to her neck for having killed her husband.  Peter orders her shot after Catherine feels pity for her, an act he sees as merciful.  Catherine questions the mercy part, but Peter insists that there are laws, different for men and women, and it's his job to enforce them, though of course "laws can be changed."

The second scene follows, with Peter and Alexis.  Having tossed his wife and Father Theodosius out of the room, he orders Alexis to cut off his beard.  Alexis remarks that Peter is going to Europe because "you don't like Russia.  That you want to shape and make us just like the people of Europe," sentiment told to him by Peter's enemies.  Peter corrects him.  "I am going to Europe to learn things, things that will make Russia a better place for ordinary people to live."  He asks Alexis to accompany him because "it's time to learn" how to be Tsar.  Alexis tries every argument to get out of it: his mother, his religious studies, abandonment of the people.  "That's your mother talking, don't you have a brain of your own?" his father roars.  "I don't know.  I just don't want to go," Alexis meekly replies.  Peter tries even the old "I love you" to entice his son to join him, but Alexis is too weak.  "I've lost him.  He doesn't love me," Peter notes to Catherine.

In just two scenes, the movie has summed up just about everything going on in Peter's mind at the time, his views on his job, his family, religion and his nation.  It's a wonderful way of making history feel vivid, because mindsets don't make for good TV most of the time.  The Boyars try one more time before Peter sets out to warn him against it, but he is implacable.  He pulls the Prince aside and tells him he's in charge while Peter is gone.  "You must crush conspiracies, cut off heads and watch my sister.  If she makes the slightest move, kill her," he says to him in silence. 

The conspirators go visit Sophia in her convent, where she chirps, "you don't think I'm going to stay here and die," biding her time until the right moment.  "Would you use force again?" she is asked.  "Perhaps." 

It seems that everyone is against Peter's leaving Russia.  He wasn't expecting the peasants (led by Menshikov's father) to try to stop him.  They fortify a bridge, but his caravan barrels right through them, knocking them into the icy water.  Catherine is horrified, but Peter refuses to acknowledge the incident.  Once again, he plays the autocrat when it's convenient.  He will let no one stop him from what he sees as the modernization of Russia.  Ultimately, he would be both right and wrong.

True to his word, Peter goes incognito on his trip.  When they get to Germany, the people are thrilled with his presence.  Athalie is there, on the arm of King Frederick (Mel Ferrer in a big wig), who has Charlotte (Elke Sommer) on his other arm.  Athalie delights them with stories of the Russian Tsar sucking the marrow out of animal bones and wiping his hands on his clothing, a must laughable sight in a ruler.  For Peter, the trip is a working holiday.  He tries to bring Alexis back into the fold and bribes master craftsmen, although he is warned over and over not to bring foreigners into Russia as the Russian people will rebel against it.  Menshikov warns about Peter sending so much newness back to Russia, it's too much at once.  Peter disagrees.  "One big shock and they will get over it," he claims. 

Peter's pals prove to be every bit the disgusting eaters Athalie warned everyone of.  The Germans are really not impressed by their manners, though everyone seems enamored of Catherine.  But, Athalie works Gordon, just like she was instructed.  However, Peter is charming and cozies up to Charlotte by asking her to play "matchmaker" and find a good wife for his son.  He likes Louise (Ulli Philipp), a minor German princess, well-educated and polite (for some reason, her name is changed from Charlotte to Louise for the movie).  "I will have to meet the Tsarevich and see for myself," Louise tells Charlotte.  "I don't think that's the way it's done in Russia," Charlotte replies.  "I'm not Russian," Louise notes with a smile.  This anticipates Catherine the Great more than anything, a minor German princess herself with a voracious appetite for power. 

As Peter cleans his fingernails with a knife, he decides to "discuss business" with King Frederick.  He wants German metalworkers to make cannons, but King Frederick declines, saying he's not one to share military secrets since "we are a small state and you are the largest country in the world.  Large allies have been known to swallow small allies," the King says.  Peter vows never to make any territorial gains on King Frederick's state, and though Frederick believes him, he has no assurance that Alexis will honor that when he becomes Tsar.  Peter gets out of that one too and with a promise for metalworkers to boot. 

When the Russian men explode onto the dance floor with a lively dance, Catherine becomes ill and has to sit down.  "Is the Tsar's lady ill?" Athalie asks.  No!  She's pregnant.  Peter is overwhelmed to hear it.  After bedding Gordon, Athalie tries to travel on with him, but he won't do it.  "Does the Tsar demand celibacy?" she asks coyly.  "No, but I do.  Besides, I could never afford you," Gordon says, kissing her hand and leaving coins in it, infuriating her.  Okay, okay, this Athalie character is fake and very obvious, but let's face it, there's precious little for women to do in this story (at least since Sophia was packed off to a convent), and the miniseries did have to find a place for all the guest stars.  At least no one is demanding anything of Ursula Andress but that she be ravishingly beautiful. 

Back in Moscow, the Tsarina is still filling Alexis' head with her own take on things.  She convinces him Peter will cut him out of the succession for Catherine's bastard child.  He can't believe such a thing would happen, but she says it has before and nothing can stop Peter from doing what he wants.  "Pray extra hard," she tells the zealously religious Alexis.  When Alexis goes to church, peasants are conveniently brought to beg him for bread and assistance.  He promises to tell his father of their plight, though he doesn't understand he's being used. 

The next royal stop is Amsterdam, the home of the world's greatest shipbuilders.  By this point, Peter has given up his Russian clothing for dandified European silks and scarves.  He has never been more excited than to be around the men who have created such masterful ships. He tells even his aging old friends they will be apprentices to the shipbuilders to learn the trade.  After six months, they are even awarded membership in the guild.  "No honor that I've ever received is more important to me than this," Peter cheers. 

Disguised, Sophia returns to Moscow to plot the downfall of Peter, though Alexis is not allowed to be part of the planning.  She is informed that all of Peter's letters and Shafirov's dispatches are intercepted, rewritten and the messengers killed.

Peter and company are off to London.  Peter and Catherine take in a play where Catherine suspects the dispatches are toyed with.  Though she doesn't ask for marriage, Peter tells her that he can't marry her and make their daughter Elizabeth an heir unless his wife goes into a convent. 

Zooming to the heights of guest starring, playing King William III is none other than Laurence Olivier, also in a giant powdered wig.  Looking sickly and obviously under-rehearsed, Olivier reads off of cue cards and has very little spark left in him.  William agrees to help Peter learn and build, in return for a deal on exporting tobacco to Russia. 

In England, Peter can finally meet one of his heroes, Sir Isaac Newton (Trevor Howard).  He's fascinated by the experiments Newton is conducting with light, not to mention the mathematics Newton uses to nail precisely the speed of light.  What Peter can't understand is what Newton calls "the pursuit of knowledge for its own sake" since Newton has no plan in mind for what to do with results of his experiments.  Peter discusses gravity, religion and asks "is there an end to the universe?"  "Man cannot visualize infinity.  That remains God's domain," Newton replies.  A distracted Newton politely declines a trip to Russia and tells Peter "not to believe everything he hears" in answer to Peter's question of whether the theory of gravity was discovered by the falling apple.

In a manipulative discussion, Sophia tells Alexis she only wants to see his father "step down" in favor of Alexis.  She then gets history wrong in asking Alexis if he knows the first queen of England "who ruled in her own name?"  "Elizabeth," he answers.  That's actually wrong, as it was her half sister Mary, but Sophia is making a point: Peter's "bastard daughter" is named Elizabeth and she wants to convince Alexis that's not a coincidence.  "We've been away too long.  Prepare to return to Moscow," Peter commands when an obviously forged dispatch from Shafirov arrives.  Unfortunately, even 380 minutes is not enough to show all of Peter's magnificent years in Western Europe and all that he visited. 

Peter really does need to return home.  The workers he's sent from Europe are greeted by an angry mob in Moscow, Sophia is plotting and even the messenger Peter sends with a top secret letter is ambushed (though he manages to escape).  He arrives in Moscow to find it on fire, a common occurrence in all-wood Moscow, but here also an excuse for a mob revolt the conspirators can use to their advantage.  The streltsy are recalled, "history repeating itself," notes Peter, but Peter is waiting for them, using cannon fire on them as they are praying, "the best time," Peter wryly barks.  When the battle is over, Peter commands the rebels be dealt with severely as an example.  He then goes to see Sophia, telling her he doesn't put family members to death, instead sending her to an Arctic convent.  "We shall never see each other again," he tells her.  For the second time, she loses, but this time it will be permanent. 

There are starting to be scenes where Peter is hidden in shadows, or behind large coats and hats.  These scenes would be the ones filmed when Maximilian Schell was not present for filming (there are a few explanations available on what happened).  It's definitely a flaw in the miniseries, but apparently unavoidable. 

Alexis and Peter are reunited, with Peter telling him letters were intercepted, which is why it seems they were never in touch.  "There is one thing worse than ruling Russia and that's ruling Russia badly," Peter tells his son to scare him and then insists he be there for the streltsy executions.  The crowds are there, the Tsarina is there and even the Patriarch, who is most defiant, refusing to take the icon of the Virgin Mary back into the church and actually blessing the souls of the men being executed.  There are rows and rows of hangings and beheadings.  "Would you do this yourself?" Alexis bravely (for the first time) asks.  He is still the Tsar and he proves it by taking Alexis' challenge and decapitating a line of men.  It's grisly and Alexis is overwhelmed, but Peter continues.  He may want to bring civilization to Russia, but he is still an absolute monarch.  "Again you are a barbarians among barbarians," Catherine tells him, but he says force is the only way to handle this situation so the people will be afraid to ever do so again.  His hands full of blood, he holds baby Elizabeth and kisses her.  Little did he know at the time that she would one day be ruling Russia.  This brings the third part to a frightening, yet somehow hopeful, conclusion.

The streltsy are destroyed and it's time to marry Alexis off to Louise.  "I'm so pleased you changed your mind," Peter tells Louise after the ceremony.  "I haven't changed my mind, my father convinced me it was my duty," she says with building acid.  Leaving the church with his wife, Peter notes, "we were doomed from the beginning."  "As are they," she replies.  And this is a wedding, no less!  He also picks this moment to tell her he's banishing her to a convent and that once she becomes a nun, he will marry Catherine, "according to the law."  At the wedding banquet, Alexis takes a fancy to Afrosina (Luba Ghermanova), the adopted daughter of a Boyar.  "Meeting you has made this a happy evening for me," he comments after a dance, Louise seething at another table.  Even Peter orders decorum, but "I'm just following in my father's footsteps...you wanted me to be more like  you," Alexis says petulantly. 

Peter intends to fight the Swedes, but to do so, he needs cannons.  However, they cannot mine iron ore from the Urals fast enough, so Peter decides to melt down all the church bells.  "If Russia is to survive, then the church must make its contribution along with everyone else," Peter (hidden in the darkness and long shots) informs Alexis, who is understandably upset. 

Peter asks King Charles XII of Sweden to meet him in a neutral spot and the two talk standing in feet of snow, toasting each other.  Peter wants to "negotiate a sharing of the port" so that Sweden and Russia can take over as great merchant powers from England and The Netherlands.  Charles says he can do that alone, he doesn't need Peter or Russia.  "One of us will not survive if we go to war over this," Peter says, but Charles clucks, "war is the sport of kings.  It keeps them and their subjects vigorous."  Before walking away, Peter tells Charles, "I will build a port on these marshes and it will be called St. Petersburg!"

As the Kremlin bells are taken from their perches, the peasants rebel again and Menshikov's father is killed.  Peter's cannons are successful, "better than bells," he decrees.  Meanwhile, Alexis gets braver and braver.  Not only does he carry on an affair with Afrosina, but rapes his wife and openly argues with his father.  Peter is too preoccupied with the upcoming war to notice anything else.  "He's got his cannons, can he hold onto the men who fire them?" Menshikov asks Catherine as he leaves.  He believes Peter has lost sight of Russia and its people and cannot stand by him any longer.  "The more he acts as a Tsar, the more he's tortured as a man," Catherine explains, but even her humanization of Peter fails to move Alexander. 

Peter trusts his son with the battle plans, but the nobles around Alexis plan to spill the secrets to King Charles.  However, Charles wants nothing to do with conspirators, preferring to fight openly and honestly, but Athalie takes in the information.  The two of them make a sublimely nasty couple.  They do use the secret information and ambush Gordon, killing him.  Peter has promised not to do anything until Gordon arrives, which gives Sweden time to make plans as the crosses and double crosses keep going back and forth.  Initially, Sweden is winning the war, very close to attacking Moscow, with Peter insisting that if it comes to that, Moscow must be burned, everything in it killed so that the Swedes arrive to find an empty useless city.  The only positive news for Peter is that Alexander Menshikov is rejoining him.  Doubting himself for perhaps the first time, Peter asks Catherine, "what if I had never reached out to the West?"  He would be at peace. 

What was actually a long war is reduced to one gigantic battle here, wonderfully rendered, but not exactly historically accurate.  Yes, the Russians would win the war and the Swedish Empire would fall, but not with just one battle.  "We have secured our access to the sea!" Peter proclaims and now Russia is united behind its ruler.  Alexis becomes more convinced than ever that his father must go.  The plans of the conspirators is falling apart when Father Theodosius is arrested.  Alexis and Alfronsina escape to Vienna.  Peter intends to ferret out all of the conspirators, in another of those missing Maximilian scenes. 

Alexis is charged with treason and Shafirov and Tolstoy go after Afrosina to help them capture Alexis.  She is offered a pardon if she does so.  Reluctantly, she agrees, knowing she really has no choice.  They set a trap for Alexis, he falls right into it and is spirited back to Moscow by Shafirov.  Alexis begs for mercy and Peter intends to give it to him, with one condition, that he name all of the conspirators.  He does so, but "renounces his title as heir to the throne" because he does not name them all.  A trap was set and he fell right into it.  Every time he's released from his guard, it's to battle Peter over this treachery, but Alexis holds firm.  Catherine thinks Alexis should be banished to the Arctic, but Peter feels he should uphold the law, which says a traitor must be put to death, son of the Tsar or not. 

Catherine goes to Shafirov to ask him to expose the conspirators and spare Alexis and thus spare Peter seeing his son tortured.  Shafirov cannot help, so she goes to Menshikov.  He won't help either.  Peter keeps trying to get Alexis to confess, even bringing in Afrosina to be questioned.  She still has no choice but to tell Peter what he wants to hear.  Peter gives him one last chance to confess, but when he doesn't, Peter announces that Alexis' fate is now in the hands of the courts.  Alexis departs angrily, condemning his father, renouncing his love and wishing for Peter's downfall.  Without Peter to protect him, Alexis is tortured mercilessly.  The courts pass a sentence of death on Alexis, which is certainly not a surprise, and Peter is asked to sign the death warrant, which he cannot bring himself to do, meaning Alexis has to endure more torture.  The circumstances of Alexis' death are still disputed, though it's widely agreed that he died from the torture.  Since this is a movie, there is a climax scene where Peter sends everyone away and asks Alexis one last time to confess, but Alexis "will only confess to God" and whispers "I loved you father" as Peter storms out before dying. 

With that, Peter narrates that Catherine was crowned Empress because "Russia needed to be a family again and to be a family it need a mother."  Unique among European monarchs, Catherine, born a peasant, would follow Peter to the throne.  It would be many years before Russia had a male monarch again.

Missing from the narrative is Peter's building of St. Petersburg, which truly was a marvel, but I suppose that doesn't have the inherent entertainment value of the wars and treacheries.  Then again, there is no hope of cramming Peter's whole life into a miniseries, even if it were triple the length.  What we have in "Peter the Great" is as solid a miniseries as is possible.  True, the last hour or so suffers from the missing Maximilian nonsense, but not so much that it crashes.  Like the man himself, the miniseries is towering and strong, not without faults, but zealous in its efforts.

Anastasia: The Mystery of Anna (1986)

It was this miniseries, "Anastasia: The Mystery of Anna," that first hooked me on Russian history (Russian history is loaded with fantastic stories, far more exciting, glamorous and cruel than this one, but the episode of Anastasia is as enticing an entrance point as anything but Catherine the Great or Ivan the Terrible and we did Catherine the Great here already), a hold that to this day thrills me.  It's that good, truly one of the best miniseries of the 1980s.  Yes, it takes license, but the real story is not quite as vivacious, and since it was covered in secrecy and scorn, why not invent some details?  The only facts in the story are gone by 1918.  After that, anyone can have pretty much free reign.  Unlike other "true story" miniseries, this one isn't actually altering facts, just adding details. 

This is a retelling of the story you may have seen in the Ingrid Bergman-Yul Brynner masterpiece "Anastasia," but that one did not even attempt much truth (sumptuous though it is).  This one is closer.  First, let's discuss the facts.  Not disputed is the revolution of 1917 that overthrew the Tsar, who was sent to an outpost with his family and a few servants until the Communists finally solidified their power and had the royal family murdered.  A few years later, a woman popped up claiming to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia, youngest daughter of the Tsar.  For decades until her death in 1980, the woman swore to it.  She had knowledge and even marks on her body that most thought impossible to have unless she was actually Anastasia.  Throw in possibly missing bones from the pit where the dead family was tossed and maybe there was a chance.  The royal family in exile refused to accept Anna Anderson (as she called herself), mainly for political and financial reasons.  By the time this movie was made, that much was the truth.  Since then, however, DNA testing has proven that Anna Anderson was indeed not the Grand Duchess.  Read Peter Kurth's  book (on which this was based) for more details.

In just that description, the story of Anastasia is ripe for miniseriesalization.  Royalty, tragedy, mystery, epic span, that's the kind of stuff the American miniseries thrived on.  Plus, it has parts for oodles of slumming actors (although I wouldn't call this slumming as it's so beautifully done).  It doesn't worry about the truth because it doesn't have to.  Telling the story is more important than the story itself in such a murky historical situation, and this one clicks!

In 1916, St. Petersburg was still the domain of the Tsar and his family, the wealthiest and most autocratic of all the European royal families (though not that many would remain by the end of World War I).  At a grand ball, we meet them: the Tsar (Omar Sharif), the Tsarina (Claire Bloom), the Dowager Empress (Olivia de Havilland, in a Golden Globe-winning/Emmy-nominated performance), four daughters and young Tsarevich Alexis, the sickly heir to the throne.  Okay, fine Omar Sharif is not exactly ideally cast as Nicholas II, but he paints the Tsar with the sympathy this movie desires.  Starting off the dancing, he picks Anastasia, who is stopped by her grandmother and told, "you are my special love, you know."  Supposedly she was the darling of the family. 

A narrator barges in with news from the estimable James Goldman's screenplay that just two months later, "the time was ripe for revolution" based on a number of historical factors.  Just to get it out of the way, Tsarina Alexandra confides in her friend Sophie (Andrea Brettlebauer) that "those terrible people" Lenin, Trotsky and the rest are "in exile" and life would be better "if only Rasputin were alive...he was a saint, you know."  History has told the tale of Rasputin often enough that we can skip it here.  The rising tide of revolution is kept from the children, at least as much as possible, with the Tsarina telling them only half truths. 

Even after the Tsar's abdication in the summer of 1917, the royal family still lives in luxury, with tutors and servants aplenty, at least until they are banished to Siberia.  The Tsar assures his children "by Christmas, we shall all be in London...what matters most is that we are all together."  Ready to go, Anastasia takes one last whirl in the imperial dance floor, covered in darkness.  "I shan't be here again.  We won't be coming back here.  Not ever," is her prophecy to her governess Sasha (Carol Gillies). 

At the train station, a surly soldier demands to know why the Tsar has brought so many people, the entire household.  The soldier says, "I have orders only for your family and the doctor," but the Tsar tries to cling to a vestige of power and scoffs that "I have endured enough."  The soldier backs down and lets everyone on the train, disguised as a Red Cross train.  Christmas passes and they are still in Siberia, with governments in Moscow changing.  Life is not unbearable...yet.

That doesn't happen until the Communists show up, relieving the army of command.  "We did try," the soldier says after being dismissed.  "Where are our friends?  Where's King George?  Where's President Wilson?" an increasingly agitated Tsarina wants to know of her husband, who has the reality of the situation etched on his face.  "Where's your mother?  Safe in England?  How come she can't make them listen.  She could always make you listen," the Tsarina snarls.  That lacks a little historical accuracy, though Alexandra wouldn't have known that.  Maria Fedorovna just barely escaped Russia with her life after a dicey time evading one government or another. 

Anastasia (played as a child by Jennifer Dundas along with Christian Bale's Alexis) is cheeky, demanding to know of the Comrade in charge what their crime is and then why he's so hostile to them.  "Have you ever been in prison?" she asks.  He has, for "printing leaflets."  "That's a lot more than I've done," the perceptive princess notes.  Alexis, having just delivered a speech to his sister about how he's always known he would die young, decides to prove it by riding a sled down the stairs, a dangerous move for such a severe hemophiliac.  Predictably, Alexis is bed-bound and the Comrade is angry, saying, "I have no time to spare...fetch me a doctor from the town, I want another man's opinion" after hearing it could be months before Alexis can be moved. 

Rather than going to Moscow as promised, the royal family is taken to remote Yekaterinburg in the driving rain, where their servants are dismissed except for Dr. Markov (Arnold Diamond).  "You are of no earthly use to me.  You are free to go," the loyal retainers are told, standing in a confused huddle in the rain.  Weeks go by and the family is told nothing of the outside world until hearing artillery in the distance, their saviors. 

In the middle of the night, they are woken up and told "there is an emergency" and they must be moved.  What follows is one of the 20th Century's most defining moments, soaked in truths, half-truths and outright lies by ardent royalists, historical apologists, Communists and everyone else with a theory to share.  One era must end in order for a new one to begin.  We were told that on a very clinical and rational level by Communist intransigence, though nearly a century later it's become obvious that fear was as much a factor as anything else.  The key word in the earlier sentence is "must."  In order for the Communists to secure control over the country, there must be no rivals for power.  Any rival could undermine their shaky government. 

But history isn't our reason for being here.  The American miniseries is.  The family and the doctor wait in a dark basement cell for the next move, not the one expected.  "My orders have finally come.  I am to execute you all."  An overwhelming volley of shots ring out.  With that, the Romanov dynasty comes to a tragic end.  The Romanovs-in-exile are the de facto heads of Russia, but there will be no resurrection of rule.

Berlin, 1923.  A gaunt young woman in rags (Amy Irving) ascends a bridge, crosses herself and jumps.  She is saved and brought to a hospital, forced to stay in the psych ward because no one knows who she is, and that's where attempted suicides go.  Clara (Angela Pleasance), apparently convinces she's a refuge from a Dickens miniseries sporting the dumbest of cockney accents, assures the woman, "I'm as sane as you are."  Yeah, that's why they have given you 80s crazy person make-up (you know the look I'm talking about). 

Dr. Hauser (Edward Fox) takes on the woman's case.  He finds out about the large amount of bullet scars on her body, assuming, like everyone else, that "she got them in the war" since they date back to that period.  She's also "had at least one child and there are signs of malnutrition."  The woman's accent is so upper class British that she can't possibly be working-class German.  That's actually a rare misstep in this production, but typical of the time period.  In order to be a European aristocrat, one has to be able to speak upper class British.  Forget that she's Russian, or maybe German.  Anna Anderson was most definitely not British.  She has no memories and cannot answer Dr. Hauser's questions.  Why did she jump?  "I can't imagine," she says rather regally, if frightened. 

Well, she doesn't make much of a case for herself with her "I can't remember" routine, which leaves her with scary-as-a-clown Clara.  "Once I see a face, I never forget it," Clara keeps telling her, knowing she's seen the mystery woman before.  She instantly figures it out, the woman is the Grand Duchess Anastasia, and she has a magazine picture under her bed to prove it!  "Are you a princess?" Clara asks.  Dr. Hauser doesn't initially get very far with her.  She can't remember why she has scars, but she knows her native language is Russian.  How?  "I dream in Russian," but she refuses to speak it.  When the police return for their report, they need a picture and the big flash sends her into a rage.  "You tried to kill me, but I didn't die!" she yells, going into such a rage that she has to be sedated and put into a padded cell with a straight jacket.

Since the woman has thrown out the name Alexis in her howling, Dr. Hauser asks if it was her dog.  "Don't be ridiculous," she chides, but the woman initially refuses to say more than "they lied to us, that's all they ever did.  They promised we'd be safe and look what happened."  She claims that "they" would kill her if "they knew I was still alive," as Dr. Hauser gets closer to the truth.  She then goes on to describe the shooting and notes that she wished she had died.  "I'm the only one who is left.  Why was I saved?  Why take my brother and not me?  He might have been the Tsar someday."

Bingo!

"I am her Imperial Highness, the Grand Duchess Anastasia," she finally reveals, managing to convey a regal air through an exhausted body and face. 

Dr. Hauser is not convinced, and particularly peeved when it's leaked to the press.  But, he's also rational.  "How many have there been?  Dozens in the last year, they keep cropping up like daisies," he tells his nurse.  It's true.  There was something of a cottage industry of fake Anastasias, along with fake Olgas, fake TatianasHauser perks up.  No one has ever mentioned the dog's name before. 

The doctor invites family members to come see her, but the head of the family keeps them away, all except for Prince Erich (a devastatingly handsome Jan Niklaus, who is invented for this story as the Yul Brynner character was in the other version), a very distant relative.  "I never thought she'd be so beautiful" is his reaction," since there weren't too many lookers among European royals of the period.  Anna, as she is now called, sits in a chair with a stiff back and majestic bearing to receive her visitor.  "You've come to test me," she immediately realizes, so she tells Erich what she remembers and what she's been told: she survived, was found by a peasant, was taken to Bucharest and lived there recovering for two years.  She remembers nothing of Bucharest, not an address, "no witnesses to anything," as Prince Erich puts it.  She married the peasant and bore him a son, but both died, but the baby died and the husband was murdered for her jewels.  It's the jewels that interest Dr. Hauser as they had always been cited as a possible way for survival.  Sewn into their gowns (a historically accurate fact), the gems could have deflected bullets.  Okay, not the zillions that went into the Romanovs, but it's been an important rallying point.  She wandered around after that, remembering her paternal grandmother, but got as far as Berlin. 

"Drivel.  I've never heard such patent drivel in all my life."  That's the word of the Grand Duke Cyril (Rex Harrison), the family's leader, and the one with the most to lose should one of the Tsar's daughters be alive (his own relatives had nothing but nasty things to say about him in the decades following the Russian Revolution, and this miniseries treats him no better).  Cyril can easily shoot holes in Anna's story, especially the peasant and all that nonsense.  Erich decides to "risk it," though Cyril feels there is no risk, and bring Anna to someone who knew her, not a relative who barely every saw her.  Grand Duchess Victoria (Rachel Gurney) takes Prince Erich's side and goes off to find people who fit that bill.  "You should meet her," Erich tells Cyril.  "Never." 

Anna is brought to the mansion, where it has been decided Sophie will be the one to meet her.  She has been forced to confront many of the frauds, and this one is particularly challenging because "of all the girls, Anna was my favorite," she tells Victoria.  It starts off poorly when Anna asks if they have met before.  "You should recognize me, Anastasia would!" Sophie barks.  But, Anna gets there, though Sophie is unconvinced.  She has no items of Anastasia's and she refuses to speak Russian (upper crust British will have to do).  "It's not her face, it's not her voice.  I don't know who you are," is the judgment.  Anna falls to the floor in dejection.  Prince Erich is "convinced she is real" and tells the doctor so, because he saw Sophie's face.  He refuses to give up. 

In fact, Erich is so full of energy for her cause that he takes Anna to his home, buys her a wardrobe and forces her to confront the world.  He explains to her that his family was killed by the Bolsheviks and then the fortune was seized when the Kaiser abdicated.  "The truth is, we were born to late.  We don't belong in the 1920s.  I was raised to be a prince and you know what that means.  I can talk along with any subject, but I have no useful skills," he tells her.  If you are a cynic, this is the time to start wondering why Erich believes her.  Is it to regain his lost life?  Anna wonders, and his answer is awfully wan.  The cynics can still hope that he's a rascal and a liar. 

As Erich launches Anna into society, they of course fall in love, a gooey situation that we knew was inevitable and simply have to suffer through because it's a miniseries and these are the rules.  "Mama never let us go to restaurants, or if she did, I can't remember," Anna says (it's a pretty safe bet that the Russian royal family never went to a restaurant).  "Poor Princess," Erich jokes and then gives her a portrait of a young Anastasia right there in the restaurant. 

When a lady friend of Erich's sees him in the restaurant, she gets all catty and demands an introduction.  "Isabel von Hohenstauffen...Anastasia Romanov," he smoothly announces to a shocked Isabel (Elke Sommer), who not wonders aloud of Cyril knows, but then snarls at how Anna has so bewitches Erich.  "It's simply too amusing, you introducing me to her with a straight face.  Me, a Hohenstauffen?" she laughs, though her familial dynasty had been dead for centuries.  "It might interest you to know I knew the Romanovs, and you are nothing like them, my dear, nothing.  I don't know where you get the nerve...all she wants is money," the aging Isabel intones.  "She's an empty-headed bitch," Erich tells Anna, noting that situations like this will occur.

At Erich's summer house, he has umpteen pictures laid out to prompt Anna.  "Oh, Erich, is this really going to work?"  "It's the only way," he replies, awfully sure of his plan.  That's all well and good, but the bad news is that the Dowager Empress has denied her request to be seen.  "I only want what's mine, my name," Anna complains, but Erich reminds her of "the power and position" that accompany the name and the family is concerned about all of that, even if she isn't.  "We must find a memory in that head of yours that only Anastasia could know, something in no book or photograph," he tells her matter-of-fact.  And then day in, day out, he drills her.  Eventually, she just happens to remember her mother's brother paying a visit in 1916, which should strike you as odd (it does to Erich) because Germany and Russia were on opposite sides of the war and the Duke of Hesse paying a visit would had to have been done with the utmost secrecy. 

The great Olivia de Havilland works her talent effortlessly.  Her daughter tries to convince her to see the woman, but the Dowager Empress knows the pitfalls of that, so she rallies the troops.  "How many have we?" she asks, before being wheeled in to see them.  "Sixteen?  Sixteen Romanovs in one room?  It's been some time," she marvels, with just a hint of sarcasm.  But get her big moment!  "Stop!" she tells her retainer.  "I wish to make an entrance," she commands and gets up to do it on her own.  Decades of experience went into that line and the entrance, all done flawlessly.  "There are 47 Romanovs alive in Europe at this time.  The issue we must face is, are there 48?  We must speak about this Anastasia woman," she commands with an iron whisper, but Cyril is determined to shoot holes in the memory.  No one remembers the Duke of Hesse's visit, and he himself has denied it, though she can chalk that up to his "political ambitions."  The scene, which is really between Olivia de Havilland and Rex Harrison, two old pros, crackles with perfection.  Goldman's writing is thorough and efficient, and the arguments and counterarguments are the summation of the whole movie, delivered without the woman's presence.  It's all about politics.

Obviously it's too premature for Maria Fedorovna to see Anna, but she can keep sending the minions, and a train load of them arrives to make their judgments.  Princess Olga has brought all of the closest family servants with her at the thrilling conclusion of the miniseries' first portion.  She recognizes them all: Sasha, her governess, her tutor, Dr. Markov's children, including Serge (Nicholas Surovy) and the others.  "It's not a question of your recognizing them.  It's whether they know you," Aunt Olga says.  Serge insists it's Anastasia, but the older retainers deny her.  "There has been only one resurrection," she is told, and when Sasha denies her, it's over.  Prince Erich knows they are all playing politics and exposes the naysayers for their politics (as well as the cheerleaders, who have them too).  "The Empress needs proof," Aunt Olga says.  "What we know is that we shall never know," she says as final judgement.  "I hope you suffer.  I hope you all suffer," Anna rails as she runs from the train.  "You won't ever see the Empress now," Prince Erich admits, and Anna knows it's true.  "We have each other, that's enough," Erich says.

But is it?  That route to her grandmother may be closed, but all is not lost.  Serge jumps off the train.  A newspaper reporter now, Serge "knows a story," for sure, and follows Anna to Erich's summer cottage, claiming "I wouldn't hurt her for the world" to Erich. 

Before Serge comes back into things, there is a rather useless scene where Erich proposes to Anna (after giving her a tiara).  We know they don't get married because Anna did not marry until years later, and it was to an American.  It's her reasons for saying no that are important.  As much of a fortune hunter as Erich may be, Anna is obsessed with proving who she is, and will not let anything, not even love or marriage, stand in her way.

Serge wants to take Anna to America, for "publicity."  They all feel that if Anna dazzles the American public, it will "put pressure on the family."  That's a rather dubious outcome, considering how titled Europe felt about Americans, but Anna doesn't know that.  She's a meal ticket for many now.  But, where better to put on a grand show than in America, loaded with money and success after the world war, unlike Europe, and dying for royalty in any form.  Erich doesn't want to be a part of it and will not go. 

She goes anyway, and the adoration starts on the crossing, where the ship's captain lets her man the wheel as she tells stories about being on her father's yacht.  "You are a real-life fairy tale," Serge tells her, as telegrams pour into the ship.  "After tomorrow, no more privacy.  What you will be is a celebrity!" he says, much to her bewilderment, but his own satisfaction.  America in the 1920s created more phony celebrities than even 80 or 90 years later.  The history books are filled with people and their 15 minutes even before Andy Warhol coined the phrase.  And boy did America love royalty! 

A mob scene is there to watch Anna disembark, with bands and flowers, the whole deal.  Serge's paper, particularly its editor Harvey Coward (Shane Rimmer) have made sure Anna is a sensation wherever she goes, with constant press coverage.  She catches on very quickly, giving a royal wave to the crowd at the hotel, where they are flying the Imperial Russian flag.  Serge is in it only for the money (his paper is paying for everything), but he knows how to lay it on thick to keep Anna interested.  He produces a sketch of Anastasia he did years ago (we saw it in an earlier scene). 

Anna is showered in furs, jewels and clothing, on loan, giving her a dizzying sense of self.  Swathed in only the best and most luxurious, fit for a princess, Anna is taken to meet New York's Russian emigres, including Darya, a Romanov cousin (Susan Lucci) married to an American.  Darya insists she's Anastasia from across the room.  "You can't imagine what it means to us, having you here.  It means so much," she says, speaking for the whole community, desperate to believe, and all looking for some glamour.  And they get it.  In a scene reminiscent of the first in the movie, Anna is paraded into a room, announced by her formal title, where rows and rows of elegantly-dressed White Russians bow to her properly and kiss her hand.  A single tear runs down Anna's cheek as she walks the line, but one can't help but wonder just what it's for.  Is she now so enamored of the idea of being Anastasia, that she revels in the pomp, or is she a tad ashamed?  And the crowd doesn't really care if she is Anastasia or not; they want a return to glory, American style, which means faux-European style.  Dig the reaction of Princess Troubestskaya (Betty Marsden), whose over the top hand-kissing and insistence that Anastasia has the Tsarina's eyes cause even Darya to gag a bit. 

"I feel as though you've changed my whole life," Anna tells Darya.  "Not yet, but I will!  How can the Empress not embrace you?  But she will, you'll see," a confident Darya insists. 

Erich, upset at the publicity machine and the changes he feels just from Anna's telegrams, heads off to see the Dowager Empress, who is ill in bed.  "Do you think I care what anyone in America thinks?  At my age, I don't much care what anyone thinks," she huffs, but she is reading the articles.  "She's a pretty thing, I'll give you that.  I take it you're in love with her?  What's that to me?  Is that supposed to sway my feelings?" she asks.  Maria wants to believe Anna is Anastasia, but she has to maintain the demeanor of one who doesn't believe, because believing is too politically charged.  After giving a speech about being on the throne herself, she asks, "what does she look like, this love of yours," careful to phrase it as such, but the veneer slips a bit when she asks, "does she resemble me at all?"  When she realizes she may be revealing too much, she sends Erich off and confides to her daughter she is considering receiving Anna, "just to see the look on Cyril's face," though it's obvious she truly wants to believe her granddaughter is still alive. 

They will never meet as the Dowager Empress dies.  Anna and Darya get the news while enjoying themselves at a lunch, watching young girls dance.  Darya has just confessed to having married her husband because "I had the title and he had the money.  Be careful who you envy, Anna, and be careful what you throw away," she wisely tells Anna.  She reminds Anna of all that comes with the title, mainly the money, telling her not to put it in front of love.  Whatever chance Anna had of being recognized is now officially dead along with the Empress. 

Serge has instructed Darya not to tell Anna of the Empress' death, but Anna stops by a store selling Russian artifacts and recognizes items from her past.  When the shopkeeper recognizes her, he shows her everything he has, including a Faberge egg that was a gift from the Empress (in fact, the gift would have gone the other way, as her husband started the tradition of giving her the eggs and her son kept it up as long as he could).  "Oh, I'm so sorry," the man says after mentioning the Empress.  "Don't!" Darya jumps in, but Anna knows something is wrong and Darya has to tell her the truth right there.  Initially calm, Anna sees a doll and goes into full hysterics over the entire situation.  The script doesn't show it, but Anna knows, even if not fully, that it's over.

Darya is more certain.  "He's the only one that counts," she tells Serge, who has started to believe the hoopla he created.  "Damn.  Damn!  Why did the Empress have to die?" he asks.  He knows it's over too.  Cyril gathers the family in mourning and officially denounces Anna, "this creature living in New York."  The European Romanovs are commanded to go along with Cyril's denial.  He growls at the press and even threatens to sue her if she continues her quest.  "We will not tolerate this folly any longer," he barks and stalks off, followed by the family.

In New York, the emigre community gathers at a church to pay their respects to the Dowager Empress.  The same people who clasped Anna to their bosoms are shocked to see her at the church.  Darya senses their anger and tells Anna, "I should never have let you come."  "Look at her, dressed in black, as if she ever knew the Empress.  I actually kissed her hand.  The little witch made fools of us," Princess Troubetskaya clucks so Anna can hear.  No, Princess, you made fools of yourselves, believing only what you were told and now doing it again, just in reverse.  The Princess gets even nastier, and Anna argues.  Darya tries to tell her, "they don't matter," but when even the priest ignores her, Anna gets hysterical on the church steps and makes the scene worse.  "They never believed in me, not any of them!" she yells.  "It's not as if the whole world is against you," Darya tells her.  Anna decides there to take Cyril to court, using his words against him.  "You can't defy the family," Darya recommends.  "No, just watch me," Anna decides and strides off. 

The paper re-assigns Serge to another story because the family denial has deflated the story?  "Who should you believe?  Our articles or every living Romanov?" his boss muses.  "She's a dead horse, she's not going anywhere."  Not only are the stories over, but the bill paying is also ending.  "When a stock stops making money, you unload it," he tells Serge, making him lower the boom.  When he gives Anna the news, he also admits he doesn't believe she's Anastasia.  "Who in God's name do you think I am?"  "I have no idea," he confesses before she slaps him.  "You're worse than Cyril, he's a monster, but he doesn't hide it," before answering the door for the men who have come to collect the luxury items on loan.  Even Darya turns her back on Anna.  Cyril has "ordered" her to turn Anna way.  "We must follow him as if he were the Tsar," she reminds Anna.  "If I were to stand up to Cyril, I would be in disgrace and I would risk losing Billy wouldn't I?  There are more titles in this world than millionaires and I can't risk losing what I have...for anything, not even you" she confesses honestly.  "Can you forgive me?" Darya asks.  Oh, no!  Anna isn't that much of a doormat. 

Alone and homeless, Anna has a cup of coffee in a diner, rips up the picture of young Anastasia and Prince Erich comes in to rescue her.  Okay, it's a dopey touch, I'll admit it.  "You came for me?"  "I should have done it long ago.  I'm not good without you and you are clearly a disaster without me," he tells her.  Erich, the one we expected to be the biggest grabber of all, is her true love, Anna's true love.  They even get a bedroom scene. 

The next morning, Erich tells Anna of his conversation with the Empress and he thinks she should sue Cyril.  They hire a no-nonsense lawyer, Kurt Vermehren (Jerome Willis).  He asks her why she wants to bother.  "So when the stonemasons go to carve my tombstone, they'll have a name to put on there," she replies.  She wants to no money and she knows the case may drag on for years, with Cyril holding her "up to public ridicule."  Still, she insists on the suit.  "Every history book in print tells us you're dead," he reminds her.  "I've found no evidence that supports your claim."  Plus, Anna and Erich have no money, whereas Cyril has unlimited resources.  Kurt insists on dental tests, ear tests, psychiatric tests, all of it.  Against all odds, and all of Kurt's scare tactics, Anna vows to fight.  "I don't propose to lose this case, but at this point, I don't have one," he says, convinced to help her when she said she only wanted her name. 

Anna undergoes hypnosis where the doctor takes her back to the night of the killing and she either gives a great performance or actually writhes in pain remembering it.  Ultimately, Anna and Cyril are in the same room as their lawyers argue.  "When I'm done with you Madam, you'll have nothing, you'll be torn to ribbons," the cranky patriarch scowls. 

There was no final proof that Anna was or was not Anastasia and after decades of wrangling, Anna moved to the United States as the sort of kookie old lady in the style of Grey Gardens. 

Did Anna believe what she was saying?  Did she want to be head of a dynasty (which did not allow female heads except under extreme circumstances.

The story of Anna is certainly captivating, but told many times.  What makes it work so well here is, first, James Goldman's script.  He looks at this from all angles.  The condescension of Grand Duke Cyril is natural, but the reactions of Darya and various other people who knew Anastasia is layered with everything but the truth.  Everyone here has an angle, even, perhaps, Anna herself.  Goldman goes to great lengths to show us Anna only when she believes everything she is saying, but by doubting the story just enough through other, more mercenary characters, it's impossible not to wonder if she's not just giving a performance.

Of course, the actors are next in line.  Amy Irving, always a terrific actress, gives a remarkable performance.  Too old to play Anna, she nevertheless shatters all of that.  She has the regal air of a princess when she needs it, but underneath lurks a broken peasant.  Her performance adds to the mystery.  Olivia de Havilland cannot possibly equal what Helen Hayes did in "Anastasia," but Hayes had the advantage of a scene with her granddaughter, not at all historically accurate, that de Havilland does not have the chance to play.  That's okay, she has plenty to do and really does turn in a fascinating performance, her second-to-last as of this writing, and her best of the late-career roles she took (only Aunt Bessie in "The Woman He Loved" was left after this one).  Rex Harrison is appropriately nasty, and Jan Niklas is both romantic and a bit shady.  Even Susan Lucci gets caught up in the fun and has a grand time playing a vivacious Russian emigre. 

This story just refuses to die because it's so juicy.  Anna got so far in her quest to prove she was Anastasia and if she ultimately failed, one would believe that it was a fickle public and politics that doomed her, rather than the truth.  In this version, the truth hardly matters.  In the 20th Century, the world saw the end to nearly every royal dynasty (the Windsors had position, but no power and the royalty of places like The Netherlands and Monte Carlo in Europe escaped with decorum, but not much else) and their prestige was replaced by the concept of celebrity.  One didn't need a title to be a celebrity, but in this story, it sure as hell was a good impetus.  That's really the heft behind the story here, good old Jazz Age hucksterism.

Memories of Midnight (1991)

It's been a long time since I've spent time with our Muse of the Miniseries, Jane Seymour!  So, let's return to her, but in one of her, um, less serious roles.  "Memories of Midnight" pairs her with the writings of Sidney Sheldon.  Really, Jane?  Sidney Sheldon?  That's Jaclyn Smith territory.  Isn't Jane too good for that?  Ah, hell, a girl has to have some fun along the way. 

"Memories of Midnight" is actually a sequel to another Sidney Sheldon novel, but if you didn't read the novel (or see the movie), don't worry.  Not only have they reset the story in the 90s (where the first story was decades earlier), this kind of trash doesn't really make any logical sense anyway, on its own or paired with something else.  Don't think too hard.  Sidney Sheldon would be scratching to get out of his grave if he knew anyone wasted brain cells actually thinking about his work.  If that sounded harsh, watch an episode of "I Dream of Jeanie" again. 

It's a dark and stormy night.  It always is.  The beating of the tress against the window causes Jane to wake up, calling for "Larry."  From the doorway, she sees this Larry, and a woman with an accent in a raincoat.  "I told you I would get rid of her," he says.  "I'm tired of waiting," she says.  Jane makes a noise and they see her.  The door is locked and Jane cannot get out, not even in slow motion.

"Wake up.  Wake up.  You had a nightmare!" Well, of course she did.  I mean, have you READ Sidney Sheldon?  The lead isn't getting bumped off in the first scene. 

Just who is waking up our Jane?  A nun.  Damn right, a nun.  Sister Constance Towers no less.  As the nun walks out, leaving Jane to go back to sleep, Jane suddenly realizes she remembers her name.  You got it, she's been suffering amnesia, that beloved malady of pulp fiction and soap operas.  But, back to that later.

We're in Athens and it's time meet the villain, that great Greek actor Omar Sharif.  Okay, he's not Greek.  Okay, he's not great either.  Okay, there are some who would say "actor" is even stretching it, but Omar is the villain here, that much is fact.  When we first encounter him, he's welcoming back his mistress, an actress whom he promptly tosses out because he found out she was sleeping with the director.  "Oh, before you go, come here," he says sweetly, and she thinks he's reconsidered.  No, he just wants to literally rip the jewelry from her body.  He then barks to his secretary, "take everything that's on the floor.  Give it to the children's fund."  I'm sure starving orphans will love expensive jewelry.  It will go so well with their hand-me-down torn t-shirts.  Sister Constance calls with very important news and he hightails it over to the convent.

Sister Constance introduces Jane to Omar, who is a "good friend of the convent."  Jane, interrupted from picking flowers on the convent lawn, doesn't quite understand, but Omar turns on his oily charm and decides it's time for Jane to rejoin the world.  Sister Constance isn't going to argue.  Not with her benefactor.  Plus, it means more gruel for her at dinner. 

Jane, in the plainest of dresses, but with shoulder pads and a Bible, manages to ask Sister Constance who Omar really is before she leaves, only to be told he's very rich, very hated by many, but also a good friend to the convent.  As Jane gets in the car, Sister Constance puts her hands up to her mouth in prayer and waves goodbye.  If you're going to leave a convent with amnesia, this is really the way to do it, with a super dramatic nun to bid you adieu and a car ride along the Greek coast.  Jane insists on a pit stop along the way because she recognizes a statue, but the driver gives away the entire secret to Greek tourism: "There are hundreds of them all over the place."  She insists she's seen this particular one in this particular place.

At Omar's villa, Jane tells him she remembers the road she took, but Omar brushes it off because, get this, he's been studying amnesia.  He tells her this sudden "remembering" is called "deja vu," a term apparently invented by Sidney Sheldon.  Who knew?  "You've been so kind, I don't know what to say," Jane tells Omar, who insists she stay with him.  You don't know what to say because you are an amnesiac, but one with a fantastic ability to pronounce Greek words. 

In a sort of soft-core porn "My Fair Lady," a woman comes in to outfit Jane, at Omar's request.  "Good bone structure, excellent figure.  Get undressed, please," the woman says.  A rack of designer duds follows and Jane likes the sight of them as much as the butch dresser likes the sight of her.

We learn a little more of the story from lawyer Theodore Bikel.  He and his associate argue over the death sentence imposed on Larry and Noelle (Jane's husband and his mistress from the flashback).  "What we did was the only way to make sure they would pay for their crime," he says, though apparently everyone knows there is no crime, especially since Jane is alive and sort-of well. 

Jane picks out a fetching white business suit (shoulder padded to the hilt), with matching white shoes and purse, telling the driver she wants to go into town.  She looks ready to for a corporate battle, but she just wants to tour the sights.  The climbs to all those ruins in her heels, spunky amnesiac that she is! 

Of all places, Jane wanders into a palm reader who recognizes her.  "It's impossible, Mrs. Douglas, you are...DEAD!" the melodramatic seer yells/whispers to her.  Conveniently, the palm reader is spooked, so Jane can't ask her any questions before the driver comes to collect her. 

Theodore's law partner goes to Father Joseph Campanella to confess to murder.  He tells of how he sold out his client for a partnership.  "I couldn't turn down a chance like that," he says, but it was all for naught since they were not guilty.  "I betrayed a client for a job," he cries.  "I can't live with the guilt anymore." 

Omar is busy at an auction when his divine Eurotrash wife (the usual soap opera mixture of Callas and Medea, in sparkly jewels) Taro Meyer shows up with her brother Thaao Penghils, a dashing rival of Omar's.  The two stand next to each other and bid on a painting that Thaao wins for $1M.  "It's worth the extra just to take something that beautiful out of your hands," Thaao says when Omar chimes in that it's not worth more than $700K.  Taro is hopping mad about Jane's presence in her house.  "Why does your sister think I sleep with every woman I meet?" Omar asks Thaao.  "Because you do," he says, along with anyone watching because that is the expected smart-ass response.  An argument ensues with threats, all about the happiness of the sister/wife.  Now, wait a minute.  The woman is well into middle age, it's not like her brother is saving her virginity from the ogre in the cave across the way.  We're just padding the scene, aren't we?

Because you couldn't in a zillion years have guessed it was coming, I have the terrible task of informing you that Theodore's law partner gets run over by a car and dies.  Well, a puppet gets run over by a very slow car, but the end result is the same.  The man and his guilty whining are silenced. 

When Jane gets home, she tells Omar about the fortune teller and he informs her it's time to get out of the city.  He's shipping her off to work in his Amsterdam office.  "I don't know if I can handle the responsibility," she tells him, though he has yet to say what the job is, or even what the hell business he's in!  He assures her his people there will not overburden her.  "Think about the alternative, to stay here and be tortured by memories," he says, assuring she'll go.  He hugs his ward, much to his wife's dismay. 

Theodore decides to tape his thoughts to Omar, assuming he's next to be killed.  On the tape, he says he's written down the truth and given the documents to the prosecutor's office "with the instructions that they be opened in the event of my accidental death." 

Father Joseph tells his nephew Boris Bakal that he's upset over the death of "one of his favorite parishioners."  He's so upset he gets roaring drunk.  Father Joseph can't break the confessional, but he's just soused enough to spill the beans. 

Taro attacks Omar on his way out to a business meeting, assuming he's going to see his "convent whore" or another woman and her Greek tragedy rantings find her tumbling down a flight of stairs...but not to her death.  Just to the hospital.  You can be sure Thaao is not going to take this well.  In fact, he swears vengeance right there in the hospital.  He lays a huge and heavy good old-fashioned Greek curse on Omar.  "I'll make him regret every day he's spent in your life," he assures his sister. 

Off Jane goes to Amsterdam and her job at "The Hellenic Trade Corporation."  I guess if you can't think of a half-decent name for your company, you just go for the generic.  What about using your initials?  First cat's name?  Town you were born in?  An anagram?  Apparently not, not Omar Sharif.  He just wants to be simple and vague. 

It's here Jane meets Ken Howard and Paul Sands, the latter playing a computer nerd to the hilt: sloppy clothes and a "Rain Man" command of facts.  Jane is to be the assistant to Semka Sokolovic-Bertok, who says, "we REALLY need you here!"  Ken tries a little flirting with Jane, but it doesn't really go anywhere.  She's a working girl now, though for an assistant, she lives awfully well. 

When the lamp on her desk burns out, Paul takes her down to the basement to fix the fuse.  There she sees some pretty ancient machinery and questions the safety of it.  Tuck that detail in your mind for later use.  There's also an air raid shelter from World War II in the basement.  This odd duo goes out for a drink where Paul dumps a bunch of facts on Jane, but all she wants to do is go dancing.  Unfortunately, we don't get to see that.  Don't we wish!  Jane and Paul dancing to house music in Amsterdam.

Omar gets his hands on the document Theodore left with the prosecutor, who owes his job to Omar and Omar burns the evidence.  Sadly for Theodore, that means he has to die.  Yes, poor Theodore is dispatched to hills that are not alive with the sound of music by a goon who soaks his house in gasoline and then lights a match. 

Ken continues to his charm assault on Jane, holding her hand at lunch, buying her flowers and guiding her throw insufferably rainy Amsterdam, but she pushes away a potential kiss.  Omar pays a visit to Amsterdam, where she says she's "learning quite a lot," but she's "quite content" to leave her past in the past.  "You have no idea how please I am to hear that," Omar tells her, relieved she's not going to be a thorn in his side.  Omar flashes back to the time he caught Jane's husband and his mistress in each other's arms. 

Conveniently, Boris works in Thaao's mailroom.  He bravely goes to Thaao's office to tell him what he's learned from his soused priest uncle: that there was no deal with the prosecution and two innocent people went to their deaths in a plan instigated by Omar.  Boris has only to convince his uncle to tell the story.  That could be a problem.

Thaao starts his revenge plan with a needlessly complicated ado.  He tells a drug-runner friend all he knows about Omar.  The drug-runner goes to Omar, demands use of his yacht to move the merchandise and insists that Omar sail with them, assuring that the police would never bother with such an important man.  Thaao has the police on alert, but Oman slips out of the trap by having his helicopter swoop down on the yacht and pick him up moments before the yacht bursts into flames, killing everyone on board (and wasting a whole lot of drugs).  Omar shows up in a very surprised Thaao's office to thank him for the business contact, inform him the guy is dead and oh, "I will do the same for you some day."  Nothing like a good Greek vendetta!


Ken invites Jane to go skiing with him in St. Moritz.  Chaste Jane makes him promise "just friends."  Poor thing spent waaaaaaay too long in the convent.  If Jane ever skied before her memory loss, she's forgotten how, because she has to learn all over again, leading to innumerable sexual puns despite the chastity promise from both sides.  It's on this trip that Jane tells Ken about her amnesia and all the details she knows.  It takes him a while, but he remembers where he has heard her name before. 

Apparently not a bright lawyer, or not knowing when a secret should be kept secret, Ken calls the Greek prosecutor of all people, to relay the story of what he's heard from Jane.  The prosecutor calls Omar, thankfully halting a dreary conversation he's having with his wife about her leaving him (FYI, not a scratch on the dame).  "I will handle the St. Moritz situation in my own way," Omar says.  He gets confirmation that the hit man he's sent there has arrived while playing roulette and gives his winnings to the very lucky babe who brought him the note.  Now, an efficient hit man, as we all know from the movies, simply carries a gun with a silencer, holds it in a newspaper and shoots his victim without anyone knowing, leaving some unsuspecting waitress or housekeeper to find the body and shriek.  Not so here.  As per the whole plot so far, the hit man goes for the least easy method: he removes a detour sign from the skiing path Ken takes, sending Ken off a mountain to his death.  But no one else, apparently.  What, did he put the sign back, a killer with a conscience?  Don't try to make sense of it.

As for Jane, she sits around all day waiting for Ken to return, finding out only late at night about the "accident."  The poor things has to be the one to identify his body!  So, with sad music accompanying her, she goes to Ken's room to gaze sadly at his shaving kit and clothes, remembering the wasted moments when she agreed to be "just friends."  Oh, they could have been so more, a tear tells us.  Whatever Jane forgot in life, she remembers politeness, always!  She pays Ken's hotel bill.  No one asked her to do that, but she does.  I think she'll be welcome back there any time, just for that gesture.

For crying out loud, who the hell worked her paying his hotel bill into the script?  There can't possibly be any point to that!

Thaao gets a most interesting call.  We kind of see the man on the other end, sitting in a wheelchair covered head to toe in a blanket.  What is he, a leper with an international calling card?  Anyway, the caller gives Thaao some dirt on Omar to investigate.  Thaao has no idea what to make of the call, but luckily his sister Taro is there to help fill in some blanks.  Taro asks what he's going to do with this information (which he still hasn't fully added up) and he tells her in his best Greek revenge mode that he's going to keep a promise he made to Omar, "a promise that I was going to have the last laugh."  Kids, we're not even halfway through the movie, so no one is having a last laugh yet. 

Dreaming, Jane finally remembers more of that fateful evening.  She managed to get the slow motion door unlocked and ran into the storm barefoot, never once slipping on wet stone or wood.  Her husband goes after her, in shoes, but he slips.  She tries to get away in a little row boat and knocks her husband out with an oar, but he soon surfaces on the side of the boat.  The rocking of the boat causes her to fall off and that is the last anyone sees of her.  She immediately calls Omar and tells him the pieces she has remembered.  "It's all coming back.  I just couldn't wait to tell you," she says so innocently.  "I'm so happy for you," Omar says in pretend sympathy (which sounds like pretend sympathy, but maybe the Amsterdam-Athens connection isn't very good, because Jane doesn't hear that in his voice).  He further tells her that her husband and her husband's mistress were executed for her murder!  She is confused and he tells her, "no one knew you were in the convent, it was horrible."  Wait a minute.  He knew she was in the convent!  Shouldn't she connect those two dots?  Unfortunately, this is not the smart Jane Seymour we love, but a nitwit amnesiac that by rights should have been playing by Deborah Raffin or Susan Blakely, you know, a Grade B actress. 

"I tried so hard to avoid this moment," Omar says after hanging up the phone.  I get the sense some more bodies are about to pile up.  There may be a chase or two, some frightened running by Jane in heels and, most likely, a handsome suitor who may or may not be what he seems.  Just a guess.

Omar takes a trip to Vienna for the express purpose of putting out another hit.  We only hear the hit man, again, as it's all done in a building lobby over a loudspeaker.  For a businessman so smart, Omar really is an idiot.  He takes a briefcase full of money, deposits it in a little hole in a door and tells the voice, "this time the body must be unrecognizable."  When the voice opens the case, it's Jane's picture we see.  Oh no!!!!!!!!

Part Two starts with yet another confrontation among Omar, Taro and Thaao.  It basically serves as a reminder to anyone who has forgotten Part One as to what happened, quickly reviewing most of the events, although it is notable for a backhanded slap Omar gives Thaao.  Otherwise, I think they simply re-used dialogue from previous scenes of this ilk. 

"Why do good people have to die?" Jane asks Paul Sands, not exactly the best person to have around in an emotional breakdown.  "I think I'm going mad," Jane says and Paul hands her the card of a Psychiatrist.  So, she puts on a new power suit, this one in yellow so bright Amsterdam looks colorful, and trots on over to Dr. Stephen Macht.  "By now you've noticed he has a minor brain disorder," the doc starts off with, breaking the ice using Paul Sands' medical condition.  Not only does that violate doctor-patient confidentiality, but it's not about Jane, who is the patient!  Apparently Paul has discussed Jane, so they don't need to go into her history, allowing Jane to get right to the theatrics.  "Why can't everyone just leave me alone?" she roars in one breath and then cries, "I feel so lost" in the next.  "Why don't we see if we can find you," Dr. Stephen suggests.  It's a shame the miniseries died.  Nobody thinks of dialogue that hokey anymore outside of daytime soaps.

Apparently Jane is super busy at work because the Greek office sends Ari Meyers to be her assistant.  Since we don't know what The Hellenic Trade Organization does, we don't know why Jane is so busy.  After a very awkward interview, Jane goes to lunch with Paul, who tells her to "be careful" in a way that suggests there is something brewing, but he can't say. 

Newly chastened Omar asks his wife to play hostess to three men he's sending to Amsterdam.  She's so excited to be back in his good graces, of course she says yes!  Then she puts on an outfit that is too much even for the Oscars and entertains the gents.  All goes well until she hears mention of Jane's name, and then she sours.  Upon leaving, the three men are told by Omar, "I'm sure you will take care of everything that needs to be done," an ominous line that scares even Taro.

The men arrive, but it's an odd meeting.  Ari breaks one's suitcase, then they can't stand the coffee and then they get a moment with Paul, whom they think is "weird."  Jane squires them around to see the sights.  What this has to do with business, I have no idea, but no one seems bothered.  It's almost played like a comedy with three bozos after Jane's affections. 

Her only respite is her time with Dr. Stephen, where she wines, "it's like I'm some kind of bad luck charm" because everyone around her conveniently ends up dead.  Maybe she needs a private investigator and not a therapist.  Since we of course know where these two are headed, it's helpful if Dr. Stephen enlightens us on his theories of death.  "People die for all sorts of reasons," he says, not exactly a brilliant medical-school-taught deduction.  He says that nothing is her fault, but actually, that's not true.  People are being killed one-by-one because they know her. 

Taro confronts Omar with Thaao's stories about what happened to Jane's husband, the trial, all of it.  "He says you could not bear that a mistress of yours would take another lover," she tells her husband.  "What else does he [her brother] accuse me of?  Maybe he thinks I killed Kennedy too," Omar jokes, an odd joke considering he is playing an Onassis-like character.  She pushes further, actually sympathetic towards Jane because she's "completely innocent," which is true.  But Omar shoots back with the underlying reason for all of his dastardly behavior: he grew up poor.  Yup, that's the reason for it all.  Getting out of poverty was "sheer hard, and yes, sometimes ruthless work!"  Furthermore, he gives to charity, just FYI.  "If they wreck anything, they will be removed," he says, referring to anyone who gets in the way of his blotting out his past poverty. 

During a night on the town with the American hired assassin, Jane decides to take him to the red light district.  I hope she's not using the company credit card.  They have the wackiest conversation about him having always wanted to act and he quotes "Hamlet."  No, no, Jane shoots back, ,"that's Macbeth."  Again, she remembers her Shakespeare, but not last week?  "Eh, you've done one Shakespeare, you've done 'em all," he says.  Let's say it all together now, "you've watched one Sidney Sheldon, you've watched 'em all."  Just as the American is about to ring Jane's neck, a police officer happens by and that moment is lost. 

While Madame Medea (Taro) is on the phone with her brother Thaao, heaving that she can't live with the guilt of what her husband has done, a box of chocolates is delivered to him.  "Oh, by the way, thank you for the chocolates."  She didn't send any.  He hurls the box at the window right before it blows up.  Wow, how many calories did they pack into that box of chocolates to make it so deadly?  He's fine, as we see in a delicious shirtless scene at the hospital.  Thaao tells his sister he will kill Omar now, but Taro tells him no, "because I am going to kill him in my own way and in my own time!" 

Taro calls Jane to warn her, but she is not available, so Paul takes the call, spewing numbers and facts as Taro tries to tell him the men with Jane are assassins.  "Do you understand?" she begs, but he just hangs up by the phone.  Jane isn't in the office because she has a therapy session where she describes the dream as Dr. Stephen watches her in a way less clinical than sexual.  Even under hypnosis she maintains a high level of over-acting, calming down only when she gets to the part about being rescued by nuns.  As if we haven't relived the Larry-Noelle stuff enough, now we go over the Ken stuff again.  Line for line, intonation for intonation.  We even get the bill paying stuff again.  Dr. Stephen snaps his fingers and Jane wakes up.

Dr. Stephen doubles as a PI, apparently, because he called Switzerland and found out that someone removed the danger sign that sent Ken to his death.  The hotel bill actually turns out to be important (as we knew it would) because it would have the phone number on it that Ken called before his tragic death.  What phone number?  Yeah, they didn't show that when Jane was on her crying and smelling tour of Ken's room, but apparently there was a phone number written down and if he called it, it will be on that bill she paid.  Aha!

When they get the phone number, Jane notes to Dr. Stephen that "you are enjoying this, aren't you?"  Well, he is, he says, because Psychiatry is all about helping people with problems and this is no different.  Really?  Then why don't they call themselves Detectives instead of Doctors?  This is one of those times we're not supposed to think about the dialogue too much. 

The Frenchman has his day alone with Jane.  He's a "museum enthusiast," but he wants to go to the countryside.  "Do they have windmills in France?" she asks, hoping he'll enjoy that, and his response is "we don't need them."  The Frenchman is simply not a pleasant man, and Jane tries to toss him out of the car, but since he has to win her trust, he agrees to be contrite and look at the damn windmills.  He insists on going up into one, and though Jane says she doesn't like heights, he says, "it's all in the imagination" and insists.  This is supposed to end with him pushing her out the window, obviously, but she manages to elude that as well.  She is so un-killable, thankfully. 

Taro has been making plans, grand plans.  Great big Greek tragedy grand plans.  She convinces both her brother and her husband that the other wants to make peace and to meet at a designated location, ending each conversation with a dramatic goodbye that neither of them pick up on.  About 35 seconds into their meeting, they realized they have been duped by Taro into getting together.  She's at home, pretending to be on the phone agreeing to meet him "at the beach house in an hour" so a servant hears.  "If I'm not back by 6:00, I want you to call the police," she tells the servant.  Boy, she thinks of everything! 

Off she drives to the beach house, where she trashes the place on purpose, making sure the card from the private investigator can be found.  She then stabs herself with a knife she made sure had Omar's prints on it earlier in the day.  Her death is wildly dramatic, and wildly hysterical.  This whole plot line is ludicrous, but the kind of gonzo badness one expects from a piece like this.  Bleeding, she can still arrange the house to make it look like her husband did it all and then she goes down to the water to finally die.  Thaao is sent a letter from her telling him to deny being with Omar that day. 

When Omar arrives at the beach house, Thaao is already there and hopping mad, believing that Omar has killed Taro, just as she planned.  The police are convinced there was a thief, at first, but then they find bloody clothes and buttons from Omar's jacket, all arranged for finding by Taro.  However, anyone who watches any crime show would know that the entry wound was self-inflicted and not delivered by a murderer.  Thaao says he wasn't with Omar that day and it looks like Taro's plan went off without a hitch.  Ah, things are ending just as we...

...oh, wait, what about the ACTUAL plot, with the ACTUAL star?  Jane is still entertaining the three hit men, and Paul is busy digging in the computer for dirt on them, but he doesn't know what to do with it.  The Italian hit man tries to kill Jane while she's at the copy machine, but luckily Ari is there to knock him out.  She hurries Jane down to the basement where she pulls a gun on her.  Ahhhhhhhhhh, so Ari is the assassin.  Ari ties Jane to the overheating boiler (I told you it would be back) and tells her that the three men were not hit men, just "red herrings."  She leaves saying, "pity, I really did like you." 

Luckily, Paul has left his computer long enough to fetch help from Dr. Stephen, who races through the streets of Amsterdam trying to reach the office before the boiler hits the dangerous "red zone."  At the office, somehow Paul figures out Ari is the assassin (something about having no records, not important, just go along with it).  They all race around the building searching for Jane who has managed to free herself and hide in the bomb shelter in the basement (no detail is left unused). 

At the airport, where Ari is trying to make a quick getaway, she is taken into a side room where she finds Jane.  "You are dead," the 12-year old assassin screams.  "That's the second time someone's made that mistake," Jane says calmly.  She, Dr. Stephen and Paul fall into a relieved hug. 

Omar has a visitor in jail.  Do you need the three guesses I'm prepared to give you to figure out who it is?

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Oh, you take too long.  It's Theodore Bikel!  We didn't see him die, remember.  We just saw his villa engulfed by fire.  Not only has he survived, but with barely a scratch to his face or his beard.  His body is all contorted, but his mind is sharp.  Omar swears he didn't kill his wife, and Theodore wheezes out a laugh.  "Poetic justice, I suppose.  But, I didn't come here to gloat," Theodore tells him.  "I came to save you."  He can do it, but at a price.  "I want your money."  "How much of my money?"  "All of it."

Every good story (okay, this isn't a good story, but bear with me) of this ilk has to have a trial, in this case Omar's for murdering his wife.  The trial itself really doesn't matter.  The whole thing exists so Theodore Bikel can hobble around and whisper, overdoing it to the nth degree.  Theodore dismantles the entire plan, making a laughingstock out of every witness (the servant, the private investigator, the police) all to Omar's delight.

Excuse me while I interrupt the trial for a side trip to Venice where Jane and Dr. Stephen have become lovers and are enjoying the sights.  She doesn't even know about Omar's trial, so blinded by love, but when she sees it in an Italian newspaper, she says, "I'm frightened" because even in jail, he can get to her.  No, Dr. Stephen says, he can protect her, if she marries him. 

Back in jail, Omar is worried because the only witness left is Thaao, who will stick to his lie.  Theodore assures him that Thaao will tell the truth, for a price: "your entire fortune."  Omar wonders, "what do you get out of this?"  That turns out to be the beauty of Theodore's idea.  Before signing over his assets to Thaao, Omar will transfer them to Theodore so that whatever Thaao gets is absolutely worthless.  Did you get that?  It is needlessly complicated?  Of course it is.  Everything has been needlessly complicated since the beginning.  I mean, why didn't Omar just have Jane killed in the convent and thus never have to worry about her regaining her memory?  Sure, there is still the bit about the lying at the trial, but that could have also been done easily enough, without priests and elaborate deaths and men not dying in fires. 

Omar isn't completely stupid.  He asks Theodore how he can trust him not to double cross him.  "Well, you will just have to trust me," Theodore says. 

It's time for Thaao to take the stand.  Before he can even be questioned, Thaao makes a statement to the court telling them the truth, that he's Omar's alibi and Omar is set free.  He and Theodore get in a car to leave the throngs of photographers, but Theodore leaves his crutch behind.  Uh oh.

Yeah, uh oh is right.  Theodore starts driving the car recklessly and when Omar tells him to slow down, Theodore tells him, "I've decided that we are going to end life together!"  In case anyone wonders where the money went, Theodore has given it to the convent.  Omar demands to know why Theodore is doing this.  "Justice.  For both of us."  The two old-time hams fight for the wheel, but the car goes over the cliff.

"You don't ever have to be afraid again," Dr. Stephen tells his new bride Jane when they hear the news.  "Promise?"  "Promise." 

So ends another Sidney Sheldon movie.  This one is far less exciting than it could have been, mainly because the heroine is so damn boring.  Even Jane Seymour can't bring her to life.  The writers of the story obviously realized that somewhere along the way and shifted the focus of the story to the more senior members of the cast, but their crazy plot and bad acting should bring on the guffaws, not just the he-hes.