Taking on a TV miniseries version of of Steinbeck's "East of Eden" is daunting for many reasons. First, the original movie, though concentrating on just a portion of the novel, is iconic (if not very good). Second, it's a sweeping saga of multiple generations, but one with heft and meaning, rather than just a juicy story. "East of Eden" is complex, its characters all flawed and difficult, but reading it is a special experience. Watching it is a bit tougher. This version suffers from questionable acting, with one exception, and it's a giant one: Jane Seymour. In a career full of amazing work, her Cathy Ames may be her greatest creation of all.
In good old moralizing TV rule booking, Mrs. Trask finds out in the very first scene that she has contracted "Cupid's Itch," which she thinks came from dreaming about other men than her husband and she quickly offs herself by wearing virgin white to her suicide trip to the pond. That leaves Cyrus Trask to raise Adam, feeding him alcohol to shut him. Not to worry, Cyrus quickly marries again and has another son.
Timothy Bottoms plays Adam Trask and Bruce Boxleitner plays Charles Trask, with a temper evident from his first appearance. John Steinbeck was not subtle in writing "East of Eden," just look at the names, and at Pa's birthday, Charles gives him a pocket knife quickly thrown into the drawer while sweet-to-the-point of near retardation, gives him a cute puppy. Alice Trask starts coughing, a sure sign wife #2 is headed the way of wife #1.
Evil to the point that the audience wants him to die soon, Cyrus insists poor meek Adam join the army. Adam does not want to go, but Cyrus wants Adam to develop courage. Charles makes it worse by taunting Adam about this relationship with Pa. And for extra measure, Charles beats the crap out of Adam.
Adam goes off to fight the Indians and Charles is suddenly very sorry that he hated Adam so much. Cyrus pulls strings to get Adam a better military job, and Adam, no longer bordering on retardation, seems happy to accept if only because he's drunk. He's grown bitter, especially having to burn the body of his gal pal, felled by Small Pox. He refuses Cyrus' offer and returns to the Indians.
We then meet Cathy, in the barn showing off her naughty parts to two young boys, so her mother scrubs her hard as punishment. Her mother wears a big cross, so we know she's a religious zealot. Mrs. Ames is one tough dame. She insists the fathers of the boys beat them...naked! Cathy watches with a smile.
Grown up, Cathy, our beloved Jane Seymour, is still a flirt. Hell, she's even working the teacher to assure good grades. Teach is so distraught at being used, he kills himself...with a gun...in church! Badass Cathy kills her parents and burns the house down before leaving town, with everyone assuming she's been kidnapped.
Adam has been tramping around the world and finally comes home to roost. Pa is dead and Charles is acting all weird. It turns out Cyrus had a will that leads the boys to the conclusion that he was a thief. Adam isn't at all upset, acting as crazy as, well, Charles used to be, and Charles is the sane one.
Charles takes Adam to a whorehouse, but the whores have moved over to the local revival meetings, so their boss (Howard Duff) smacks 'em silly. They have found religion, must to the chagrin of the boss.
Sly Cathy finds the whore master and asks for a job, spinning a yarn that she needs the money for her poor indigent mother and by the next scene, she's his kept woman, dressing in furs and picking out expensive nick knacks. She is pulling a royal scam on him, and when she gets drunk, she whirls around the room in a macabre dance of truth. Jules takes her out to the woods and beats her, coincidentally on the Trask property. Permanently scarred, Adam decides they should keep her
Cathy plays the brothers against each other and if you aren't used to Jane Seymour playing a bad girl, her performance truly is something to see. It's not just because Timothy Bottoms and Bruce Boxleitner are pretty bad, but more because she is luminous. Adam is completely in love with her, but she seduces Charles, who hasn't exactly been her biggest fan.
Cathy marries Adam, but sleeps with Charles before convincing Adam to take her away to California. She discovers she's pregnant and pulls out the knitting needle, but has terrible aim, according to the doctor, and the baby is okay (but he's a lousy doctor if he doesn't realize there are two in there).
Part 2 begins almost exactly where we left off. Adam finds out Cathy is pregnant and he goes all goofy with happiness, deciding to turn his land into a garden. "Just like your namesake," says his neighbor Samuel. The Biblical symbolism is obvious, but again, Steinbeck was anything but subtle. When Samuel reminds Adam of Eve and the apple, Adam goes double goofy praising how good a woman she is. Oh, she's good, but not like that!
However, breaking the movie's agreement for all to stay on the right side of overacting, Lloyd Bridges gives a hoot-and-a-half performance when he thinks he's discovered water. He looks like a homeless man talking to the moon.
With the house comes Asian servant Lee, played with voracious delight by Soon-Teck Oh, piling on the pigeon English, replete with a lack of the letter r over and over. He's onto her from the beginning and she treats him with contempt.
When Cathy goes into labor, she becomes The Exorcist, snarling and raging and biting Sam's hand, in time to the dynamiting gong on outside where Sam's son's have found water. The birth scene is, well, unique. It's true to the characters, but chewy. Cathy wants nothing to do with her twins. Or Adam for that matter. He can stay in the room, "but don't talk" she says like a serpent.
Sam figures out Lee's secret: he's not FOB Chinese. He speaks perfect English and only bothers with the charade because it's what is expected of him. As in the novel, Lee is the smartest person in the story, and as played beautifully by Soon-Teck Oh, he'll keep the Trask family together.
A week later, Cathy leaves Adam without a tear and nothing but malice in her spirit. He initially forces her to stay, but she shoots him in the shoulder and bolts. It's going to be a looooooooong section without her. Still, Adam pretends he shot himself, though no one really believes that. Lee has to lay it on thick to keep the authorities at bay. Timothy Bottoms' understated style comes in handy for the first time. It's only been somewhat annoying up until now.
Cathy ends up in a whorehouse where the sheriff tracks her down. He won't prosecute her if she stays silent and never visits her sons. That's certainly no problem! For her next move, she goes to work for Fay (a delicious Anne Baxter), who takes to her very quickly, so quickly that Fay leaves her the house. Since Fay is obviously dying, it won't be long before Cathy is a whore master herself! Now called Kate, she makes the mistake of drinking wine, which we know doesn't agree with her and she goes all manic on Fay. Jane Seymour trumps the mistress of these types of character, Anne Baxter, turning in her finest work so far. Fay will live after Kate sedates her, but it's Kate's house now.
Fifteen months later, Adam has let the farm go to ruin and hasn't even given his sons names (Lee isn't playing Charlie Chan, so they aren't #1 and #2). Sam has to crack him across the face to get Adam to wake up from his stupor. There ensues a weird scene where they decide to name the boys, finally using the Cain and Abel story. What makes the scene so odd is the acting styles. Timothy Bottoms goes for his "I'm hiding from the world" understatement, Lloyd Bridges is cuckoo, so thankfully we have Soon-Tech Oh to set a standard. They discuss the Biblical story and read the entire damn thing in a scene desperate for trimming.
Oh, during the previous conversation, Sam had coughed, so in the next scene, he's dead. I didn't need to tell you that. Everyone knows what a TV cough means.
Adam goes to Monterrey to see Kate, who has managed to get Fay dead and now runs the successful establishment. Kate remains lofty and superior, and poor Adam is still in love with her. Kate tries to seduce him to prove how evil she is, but he refuses and she goes wild. After her bouncer beats him up, Kate tells him how much she hates him and it's catharsis for Adam, who can finally leave her. But, she has one last surprise for him and tells him the boys are Charles'. Whether he believes it or not, the symbolism of him walking away in a rainstorm is also TV cliche, and he's rid of her for good. That's the end of Part 2.
Ever the doormat, Adam decides not to confront Charles about it and he will raise the boys. He then apologizes to Lee for yelling at him after Sam's funeral.
Cal (Sam Bottoms) is a somewhat bad kid. Aron (Hart Bochner) is a tatte-tale weakling in love with Abra (Karen Allen). Unlike his real-life brother, Sam has already spent more energy acting than Timothy has in two parts of the story.
Cal learns from Tom Hamilton that the story Adam had told them about his mother is a lie and goes to Monterrey, hiding in the bushes when Kate passes by. Meanwhile, to show how "good" Aron is, he's at home dancing innocently to records with Abra and his father. Cal has a plan to send a refrigerated wreath to her grave, knowing full well she's not dead, but Aron and Abra try to stop him. Since Sam Bottoms is the only one acting, that's not likely. Oh, and Cal invents refrigerated veggies during this conversation.
Aron invites his whole family to his confirmation, a surprise to all of them, and he plans to be in the church. When the pastor speaks to all of them and inquires about their religion, Lee has one of the movie's best lines when he says, "I'm a heathen, but I'm still trying."
Adam goes to successful car dealer Will Hamilton (Richard Masur) and pitches the frozen lettuce idea. Tom says it will never work and then we get a montage of it working (all Tim Bottoms has to do is stand there, and that he manages better than just about anything he's done so far). Unfortunately, one shipment sits idle in the Chicago stockyards and it almost ruins the whole business. Aron is frustrated at being the talk of the town and after Abra offers to quit school and raise money, a bully at the local ice cream shoppe (where else would Aron and Abra be hanging out?) insults them and Cal happens by to dump ice cream on the bullies. There is tension.
Cal returns to Monterrey and sneaks into Kate's with a fraternity. He speaks to Kate, but not long enough to tell her she's his mother as a raid gets in the way. The sheriff has aged right along with Kate, still going strong. Cal and Adam have an insanely long conversation about it, without Adam telling him the whole truth. It's the first time father and son have really talked. Near the end, Cal drops the bomb about Kate, that he knows all, but as Lee says, "it doesn't seem to have hurt his disposition at all."
In fact, he goes into business with Will Hamilton, who speaks to Cal like he's about to screw him over big time. He gets the money to invest from Lee, after threatening to get it from his mother.
He does, however, pay Kate a visit. Gnarled with arthritis and living in a window-less crypt, she's as ornery as ever. With false teeth and a bunch of make-up, she's aged very well, except for the hands, of course. She fires every question at him, but he only wants to know why she shot Adam. Jane has a phenomenal monologue, delivered at empty space, and handles it with the scary flair she's constantly exhibited. Cal can see through her wickedness and, not able to handle it, sends him away.
Aron is on his way to becoming a minister and Kate can't resist showing up to see a sermon. And no, she doesn't burn as soon as she walks into church.
World War I starts and Aron picks that night to tell Abra he has to remain a virgin for the church. She goes to Cal to talk about it. "You do bad things, don't you? You, you go to bad houses," she says, sitting on a lettuce truck with him. She was really counting on having sex with Aron, but Cal makes her laugh by suggestion the minister with whom Aron studies doesn't even go to the bathroom, let alone have sex.
Aron goes off to school, but hates it. He's not cut out for it. He's a sweet one, this kid, but not bright. At least Adam had some sense in him. Cal indeed makes money with Mr. Hamilton and the family has a big celebration (of bad acting) for Thanksgiving. After Aron entertains them with college stories, Cal gives his father $15k, but Adam refuses it because he feels it came from war profiteering. It's an unfair way of looking at it, and the reaction brings out the worst in Cal. Lee, as always, is the voice of reason, telling Cal that all of his decisions are his, not his mother's or his father's.
But Cal chooses incorrectly. He takes Aron to meet Kate. As Cal probably expected, Aron reacts violently to this, but Kate is already half-crazed anyway, in her light-less chamber. Wise Lee knows when Aron comes home exactly what Cal has done (though he does of course have to wail something to effect of "am I my brother's keeper" to once again hammer in the symbolism) and rushes to his room to find Cal burning the money his father wouldn't accept. "I don't want to be mean," Cal says, believing it's simply his nature. In his rage, Aron joins the army, setting us up for the massive dramatic climax of Biblical proportions that can only come from a saga like this.
With Aron gone and sending no letters, Abra realizes she's not in love with him. Unfortunately for us, we learn this during a particularly dire scene at the ocean that gives Karen way more dialogue than she can handle. She admits her love for Cal and they kiss. It's a shame that Sam Bottoms had to share this scene with Karen Allen, because he's been doing just fine, not dragged down by those around him until now.
Aron dies and Adam has a stroke upon hearing the news. Cal tells Adam all, that he feels responsible for everything, though Lee tries to make it better, ultimately sending Abra after him instead. They return home where Lee whispers to Adam to give Cal his blessing, his forgiveness and Adam dies.
That's heavy stuff for a miniseries. Unlike something like "War and Remembrance," which sets itself a background of a popular war in order to insulate its characters or even "The Adams Chronicles," where the characters have a hand in inventing their historical times, "East of Eden" exists only on a fictional level, with no real-life characters, much in the same vein as "Rich Man, Poor Man," although on a firmer foundation of literature. And, unlike filming a Bible story, it has far more baggage. At over six hours, it would have required far more precision to make it exceptional. Instead, it's solid and even very good, but it definitely sags. The third portion is definitely the toughest because Jane Seymour is absent and her performance is the best to watch (so is her character, a deeply flawed cretin who actually enjoys being that way). That brings up the question in American miniseries of how much actual good acting is required. Certainly popular TV of the time was not popular because of its acting. John Ritter racked up Emmy nominations for "Three's Company," but is that really good acting? Other than Barbara Bel Geddes, not one of the main actors from the wildly popular "Dallas" were even nominated. Acting back then was secondary to not only story, but the way story was told (outrageous comedy, outrageous camp or seriously deep drama). If we had to rely on Robert Mitchum's Pug Adams in the Herman Wouk epics, no one would have watched beyond the first night. As much grand tradition heft Lynn Redgrave brought to "Centennial," its historical sweep did not allow her a lot of screen time.
But, in "East of Eden" all that is important is the way the characters play the story to make it believable, because if they don't, this simply becomes, well, the vapid James Dean version with no soul. Sam Bottoms and Soon-Tech Oh seem to understand that they need to focus on characterizations to keep the story potent, but it's the truly magnetic Jane Seymour who holds "East of Eden" together. She had been doing miniseries for a decade before this and is still a television icon in 2010 because of performances like this. Without her Kate, a tragic angry figure who asks for and receives no sympathy, this miniseries if a great American novel may have been a footnote no more remembered than the miniseries versions of not great American novels.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Noble House (1988)
The success of Shogun in 1980 beget two further James Clavell miniseries, "Tai-Pan" in 1986 and "Noble House" in 1988, diminishing returns certainly, but"Noble House" borders on incomprehensible at times because it tries to squeeze an enormous book with oodles of plots into six hours of screen time, mostly taken up by talk of finance. Plots start and stop at the whim of the director, so it lacks cohesion. Perhaps James Clavell was too busy working on the musical version of "Shogun" he was preparing at the time (with the composer who did the keyboard-drenched music for "Noble House") to give this one his full attention.
"Noble House" begins with a very ominous prologue. It's a terribly rainy June night and Pierce Brosnan as Ian Dunross, nostrils flaring but so handsome it's almost unbelievable, arrives as Noble House, a family-held company for over a century. He's there to take over the reigns of this august Hong Kong-based company from Denholm Elliott in an ages-old ceremony that involves a will, a Bible, two witnesses and a whole heap of responsibility...oh, and a curse regarding coins split in two. Pierce is now Tai-Pan of the company and his word is law.
Three years later, at the company's 150th birthday, Pierce is in a far better mood, but no less savvy an operator. He's gotten the company into bed with a Los Angeles-based company that he thinks will make millions, but everyone else at the party seems unsure since it's owner, Linc Bartlett, as played by Ben Masters, is a corporate raider.
Ben arrives in Hong Kong with Deborah Raffin (the go-to girl of 80s TV movies when you wanted the rest of the cast to shine instead of the leading lady) in tow, met at the airport by Pierce's inherited second-in-command/flunky Burt Kwouk and Superintendent Armstrong (Gordon Jackson). Deborah goes to Ben's hotel room in a flimsy one-piece and white stockings to tell Ben all they know about Pierce. They fully intend to swoop in, take Noble House and swoop out just as quickly. Ben is so sure and cocky that we know he'll meet a bad end, no matter how long it takes to get there.
Deborah, in another pair of white stockings, meets Pierce the next day right at the elevator bank. Pierce tells her about feng-shui as her introduction to everything Asian. Ben delays his meeting at Noble House by going to John Rhys-Davies' company where the latter offers what seems a better deal and then goes on to trash the whole history of Noble House. John (a hold-over from "Shogun" and playing basically the same character) is hell-bent on destroying Pierce and his company. John gives us our big lesson for the twentieth time (nearly every character has so far said it in almost the same words): "We do things differently in Hong Kong." Ben would seem to be out of his comfort zone, but he's not really impressed by John's machinations. He is, however, impressed by Julia Nickson, a local TV reporter, arriving just as he's leaving. Julia is instructed to make Ben fall in love with her as a distraction.
Ben heads across the street to meet Pierce, who has already been told of his first meeting by his super-efficient secretary Nancy Kwan. Ben's American cowboy routine is going to get old very quickly. Obviously the smarter of the two on the team is Deborah, whose desire to make it in a man's world is apparently her overarching desire.
The business propositions are put on hold when Pierce finds out Burt's son has been kidnapped. There are two things very upsetting about it: first, the son had arrived on the plane with Ben and Deborah as a leverage chip and second, and this is unknown to everyone, the son (Steven Leigh) has the other half of the coin that has been missing since the first scene (or probably longer, but that's the first we saw of it). Burt finds out that Steven has been selling out the company secrets to Ben and that he has taken the half a coin. He curses his son to hell in the best Medea-like fashion. Pierce's way of dealing with the situation is to call on Khigh Dhiegh, who knows everything that goes on in Hong Kong (and who is worth $50 million, we find out a few scenes later).
Can you guess what Deborah wears to Pierce's party that night? Yes, white stockings. She learns all about the company history and the reasons John Rhys-Davies and Pierce are at odds (she could have just watched "Tai-Pan"). Ben roams the party and meets all of Hong Kong's power players, meeting Julia again in her role as seductress. Every mouth drops when John shows up. Eyebrows can't be raised higher than they are now among Hong Kong's fey elite. Ben tries to shove his deal down Pierce's throat, but Pierce doesn't agree to the terms, and Ben relents. The only sticking point seems to be that Ben demands Pierce sign the deal with Deborah, not with him. "A tai-pan only deals with a tai-pan," Pierce says, but it's not up for argument as far as Ben is concerned.
By the very fact that he's singing in the car, on a twisty small road means John Rhys-Davies is going to be in an accident (do you remember a 70s or 80s TV show where it doesn't happen?). The brakes are cut, but John survives. John is more interested in bringing Ben into his fold and destroying Pierce, though business propositions that are not at all exciting.
The kidnappers are a rather dimwitted gang and right before the credits roll to end the first episode, they have killed Steven and found the half coin around his neck, thinking it worthless.
The second part opens with Pierce taking Ben and White Stockings (yes, again) to dinner. Ben wants "Chinese food...you know, egg roll, chop suey..." and Pierce takes them for a stop first to see his gold bullion. Ben is worried that Deborah is falling for Pierce, and warns her against it. "Pick another guy...another time, another place," and Deborah chirps, "you're the boss." "You bet I am." It's dialogue this dimwitted that makes me long for "Shogun," where no one spoke English. There are a few dozen characters already, and not one of them has strung two intelligent sentences together yet (there isn't a hint of humor in "Noble House," so everyone has to be as serious as the bankers they are playing).
Our two villains cut a deal. Ben fronts all the money for a corporate raid on the Noble House and John will spread rumors to get the stock to fall (as he's done with a small bank to prove to Ben how important an operator he is). For $4 million ($31 Hong Kong dollars) in a Swiss bank account #181819 (it was the most interesting moment of a dull conversation, that's the only reason I remembered it), John and Ben will ruin Noble House. Bed finally lets White Stockings (yes, another day, another pair) in on his nefarious scheme and she likes the fact of playing both sides against the other, but I think we're all pretty sure when the chips are falling, Deborah will side with Pierce, no?
Here comes the hail storm. Pierce, Ben and Deborah stand watching the Hong Kong stock exchange while John dumps his Noble House stock and as the entire economy reels, Pierce buys up all the dumped stock, actually yelling above the huge din in the stock exchange and everyone stops chattering. Pierce and John argue with everyone listening. Now really!
Pierce goes to Khieg to borrow the money he needs to cover the losses, but Khieg wants Noble House ships to carry drugs in return. White Stockings shows up for a drink with Pierce wearing black stockings (and a black dress, who the hell designed this?). Ben chases Julia, asking her to be his date at a charity benefit that night where all of the players will regroup. These people do nothing but sip champagne and gossip.
The kidnappers get the ransom money, despite the fact that their captive is dead, but they have only about six seconds to enjoy it before Khieg's goons burst in and find out the truth. More bad news for Noble House.
At the party that night, Khieg shows up with everybody's favorite mistress (literally, she has a few sugar daddies among the banking community), Tia Carrere, as Venus Poon. Yup, Venus Poon. Thank goodness the world wasn't fully PC by 1988. She even has a tea-cup puppy. Frankly, her few seconds of screen time are more interesting than the conversations at the party, more about runs of banks, dirty deals and everyone pretending to be friendly. The eye game is playing with fervor. John looking at Ben arriving with Julia, Deborah noticing then eyeing Pierce. "This is Hong Kong, everybody..." Yeah, yeah, you can finish that sentence.
Just when you want to duck out of yet another series of ring 'round the room advances, a fire starts in the kitchen. Oh, I forgot to mention this party is on a floating boat. Pierce tries to stop everyone from panicking (it's not even his party), but no one wants a Chinese Poseidon Adventure. It's not a good time to be an extra. Some jump into the river on fire, some have hefty women fall on them and some get to jump four stories into the water in sequins. Our principals are trapped on the top floor and Deborah jumps first...but not before removing her dress to reveal the black stockings are patterned! Why did she remove her dress and no one else did? Next jumps Julia, who can't swim and then Ben jumps off with a pregnant woman we've never met. That leaves Pierce and John, the latter deciding to tell Pierce he still intends to sell more stock the next day. You know Pierce Brosnan, "unflappable" is his career middle name.
Khieg's henchmen find the half coin on Noble House Chen Number One Son (that's their dialogue, not mine) and the police find his body. The Chinese Superintendent, the one who isn't a moron, brings the news to Pierce, who reacts by asking him out for drinks later that night.
Ben goes over to Julia's, and she's looking sexy in shoulder pads and satin. Ben sees a picture of her with John Rhys-Davies and Julia explains that they were a couple together, her first love. She also reveals she's 25, which seems rather unlikely. As she tells the story, guess what she says? "This is Hong Kong. I'd rather you hear it from me." WE KNOW!!!!!!! Hong Kong is small and people talk. After flirting with Ben, she stops him when he starts to kiss her. You see, she has to be in love, and she's not in love with him. With anyone, she says. If ever there were a stupid soap opera scene, this is it.
The White Stockings are back. She brings up Julia and Ben gets a lot defensive. For someone so smart, he's gone all dumb for Julia. A true villain.
The second episode draws to an end as the police get some baffling information and the leads have yet another financial "it's all a game" chat.
The third portion starts with Julia apologizing to Ben. "I'm sorry I was such a twit." He's fine with that, the lovestruck fool! She then prattles on about the financial goings-on, only to say not to listen to anything she says. Is this dame bipolar?
Khieg is a very bad man. Not only does he kill the one remaining kidnapper, making sure if it's discovered, his son will take the fall and then turns his attentions to his drug business.
You know something? Everyone in the movie calls him Tai-Pan, so I will try to call him Pierce-Pan from now on, for consistency with the movie. That drink planned with the Chinese Superintendent? Go figure, the guy isn't there. He's being held in prison, subjected to every torture but waterboarding as they think he is a Chinese spy (do Chinese spies break under the use of LSD-trip music and visuals? If so, why not just show him "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" over and over, or perhaps drone out "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" like they did with the Branch Davidians).
I'll spare everyone the scene where Ben and Julia visit a whorehouse and Julia offers to buy any girl Ben wants and skip right to Pierce-Pan and White Stockings having a private dinner, where White Stockings (in all black since dinner is on a boat--she's learned her lesson from the night before) spills her dull life story and continues to chatter even after Pierce-Pan has started to kiss her. No one in this film ever gets laid!
From that romantic near-escapade, Pierce-Pan heads off to Khieg and son (pretending to be nephew). Khieg produces half a coin and demands a favor, even though Pierce-Pan knows it's a stolen coin as Khieg's half coin is already accounted for (this is the coin from Noble House Chen First Son).
Pierce-Pan is without many friends. He lowers himself to playing golf with representative from the man from Bank of China, a man who definitely seems the face of Communism, and ever has since the first scene. He won't put up the money, but he knows of a Chinese conglomerate who might. Another option is one of the dud financial friends Pierce-Pan who has, but he has to go to Macao to meet him.
Another friend list is trusty second-in-command Phillip. He admits to Pierce-Pan that his son had been working for Ben and had all their secrets. That is one Pissed Pierce-Pan.
White Stockings (in her first pair of pants) is swept off to Macao by Pierce-Pan. See, he can be ruthless and romantic at the same time. Of course, they spend the trip discussing plans to outwit Ben, so romance is hard to manage when White Stockings spends the boat ride sounding like a useless middle page of The Wall Street Journal.
Proving once again that "Noble House" has no sense of place, Ben and Julia waste an entire good beach walk by hearing Julia's history (which he's heard from John already).
After a 20-second tour of Macao, Pierce-Pan and his ally there sit down for a (zzzzzzz) financial discussion. Pierce-Pan and White Stockings go gambling where, of course, White Stockings, who professes to always lose, wins big. Then we get the standard 1980s bed scene: woman wrapped tight in a sheet, rests head on hairy hunk's chest during muted-tone discussion.
In an otherwise useless scene, Kheig does come up with a good line speaking of Pierce-Pan and White Stockings in bed: "I am pleased that one American is doing what the other is trying to do to him."
A lot is riding on the races, a miniature version of the financial dealings, so John tells his jockey he either beats Pierce-Pan's horse or he never works again. Someone has tampered with Pierce-Pan's horse to make it even touchier. Our whole cast goes off to the races, which enchants White Stockings, mainly because she thrills to the pricey sky box Pierce-Pan owns. John makes a very strange offer to White Stockings to take her on a boat ride the next day, despite a meteorological chance of rain. Everyone is at the races. Both of Virgin Poon's elderly suitors included. When one sees her with the other, he levels this classic oath: "May the gods curse you both. Even with all the techniques I've taught her, you can't make a wet noodle dance." Of course, that's immediately followed by another financial scheme I'm too dumb to understand and the third portion ends. Not a moment too soon, frankly, but so far, Part 3 is the dullest. Where is the Clavell action?
In Part 4 is the answer. Back at the races, Pierce-Pan invites a "strange group" of people to his box for some news later and the Victoria Bank acquires the Ho Pak Bank, the one John made to under to prove to Ben how unscrupulous he could be. Pierce-Pan let's a man who has to be the world's biggest jokey win. Price-Pan tells the gang that he's has made some fancy deal, proving that Noble House may be down, but not out yet!
Then the big race comes. John and Pierce-Pan's horses are the only ones that matter and everyone is tense watching them. John's jockey, no better than his boss, smacks Pierce-Pan's jokey with his crop, not only throwing him from his horse, but killing him. John fully approves.
The Bank of China won't help Pierce-Pan, but a conglomerate from The Middle King will on his recommendation. He has to go to Beijing in secret. That causes much consternation from White Stockings, who makes it a reason for a fight. Sex the night before must have been that good and if she can't get it again tonight, she might as well get all pissy.
The head of the conglomerate is an old friend of Pierce-Pan's. They haven't seen each other in 25 years. His friend puts a bunch of business terms on it, and also an extra one: get the Superintendent out of jail.
Every time Julia has appeared on screen, she gets porn music played behind her, but now that she and Ben are in love, it's arch romance. She wants to be with him in one sentence and in the next, she says she can't. Again, the dialogue is so vapid even daytime soaps wouldn't use it. In their next scene, they have sex and the porn music is back.
John takes White Stockings (in pants again, and all dressed up) on a boat ride. She goes along hoping to learn something about his intentions for Noble House, but he's far too smart to let anything important slip. And then it gets ugly. John puts the moves on White Stockings, and it's obvious she wouldn't stand a chance if he really wanted to do it because he's about 200 pounds larger. The script gives White Stockings an opportunity to prove how truly lacking she is upstairs. Indignant, she begs to be let out of the locked room. "Turn the handle the other way," John says. She didn't even think to try that? And this is a woman managing a multi-billion dollar company? When he lets her off the boat, he's still laughing nefariously.
Pierce-Pan races to the Governor (John Houseman, looking about 176 years old) to ask his help in the release of the arrested Superintendent. The Commissioner is also there, arguing the case on the opposite. Pierce-Pan argues that without Chinese support, Hong Kong business will die. "It is not blackmail...it is survival," he roars, surprising the Governor and Commissioner.
Finally, 45 minutes before the end, we get a patented bit of Clavell-ex-machina (he likes storms, earthquakes and the like) when a landslide destroys a gigantic building. It happens to be the building in which Khieg is playing with Venus Poon and Ben is resting after Julia went out to buy some food. As she and White Stockings watch in horror, Pierce-Pan jumps in to help and even John agrees to help since Ben is in there. The script makes John so utterly reprehensible that he accuses Pierce-Pan of going in to find him simply for the upcoming deal. Ben is trapped, but alive, and able to discuss business. Not so lucky is Khieg. Hi son finds his body and takes the half coin from it.
"How tough is it to get married in Hong Kong?" Ben asks, just seconds before another landslide drowns him. Awwwwwww.
John had heard Pierce-Pan telling Ben that Noble House was going to be saved by the Chinese conglomerate and that news ruins all plans John had.
For absolutely no reason at all but to prove herself, White Stockings (wearing none this time) fires her next-in-line when he pisses her off (this is the first time we've even met him). She's an 80s-style bitch now.
Kiegh's son comes to Pierce-Pan, showing him the coin and demanding his favor. Actually, he makes a bunch of demands, and the only one Pierce-Pan is hesitant about is to help him get in on the Macao gambling. Just as that meeting ends, Pearl Cream Queen Nancy Kwan tells him the release of his friend the Superintendent is happening. Pierce-Pan is there to watch him cross the boarder. He does so and Noble House is saved.
White Stockings, who has been suspicious of Julia all along, pays her a visit. Julia goes full Camille portraying a grief-stricken "widow." White Stockings invites Julia to return to America with her and they both hope they can be friends. At least that's wrapped up too! That was a far more important plo...oh, hell, no one ever cared about it.
Pierce-Pan wants White Stockings-Pan (she's the head of Ben's company now) to stay in Hong Kong, but she has to go back to the US. "I bet you've never kissed a Tai-Pan before," she says. "Not in the lobby of this hotel," Pierce-Pan coos back.
Now it only remains to finish off John, but with a twist. John would be ruined if Pierce-Pan opens the stock market with a planned high price for Noble House stock, but he allows John to buy in cheaper because the two know they can't play the game without each other.
Pierce-Pan and White Stockings-Pan have a kiss-off at the end, but she says she'll be back. I'm sure all of Hong Kong is hoping otherwise. The Tai-Pan can do better, even if Venus Poon is dead.
The energy and adventure of of "Shogun" is long gone by the time "Noble House" even starts. Perhaps because this is technically a piece about the undramatic topic of finance, or because massive chunks of Clavell's book have disappeared to keep this to a viable length or perhaps because the acting, save the deadpan honesty of Pierce Brosnan and the gleefully nastiness of John Rhys-Davies, is plain bad, this piece speaks of a dying art form, the miniseries in decline, going for glitz with nothing much to back it up.
"Noble House" begins with a very ominous prologue. It's a terribly rainy June night and Pierce Brosnan as Ian Dunross, nostrils flaring but so handsome it's almost unbelievable, arrives as Noble House, a family-held company for over a century. He's there to take over the reigns of this august Hong Kong-based company from Denholm Elliott in an ages-old ceremony that involves a will, a Bible, two witnesses and a whole heap of responsibility...oh, and a curse regarding coins split in two. Pierce is now Tai-Pan of the company and his word is law.
Three years later, at the company's 150th birthday, Pierce is in a far better mood, but no less savvy an operator. He's gotten the company into bed with a Los Angeles-based company that he thinks will make millions, but everyone else at the party seems unsure since it's owner, Linc Bartlett, as played by Ben Masters, is a corporate raider.
Ben arrives in Hong Kong with Deborah Raffin (the go-to girl of 80s TV movies when you wanted the rest of the cast to shine instead of the leading lady) in tow, met at the airport by Pierce's inherited second-in-command/flunky Burt Kwouk and Superintendent Armstrong (Gordon Jackson). Deborah goes to Ben's hotel room in a flimsy one-piece and white stockings to tell Ben all they know about Pierce. They fully intend to swoop in, take Noble House and swoop out just as quickly. Ben is so sure and cocky that we know he'll meet a bad end, no matter how long it takes to get there.
Deborah, in another pair of white stockings, meets Pierce the next day right at the elevator bank. Pierce tells her about feng-shui as her introduction to everything Asian. Ben delays his meeting at Noble House by going to John Rhys-Davies' company where the latter offers what seems a better deal and then goes on to trash the whole history of Noble House. John (a hold-over from "Shogun" and playing basically the same character) is hell-bent on destroying Pierce and his company. John gives us our big lesson for the twentieth time (nearly every character has so far said it in almost the same words): "We do things differently in Hong Kong." Ben would seem to be out of his comfort zone, but he's not really impressed by John's machinations. He is, however, impressed by Julia Nickson, a local TV reporter, arriving just as he's leaving. Julia is instructed to make Ben fall in love with her as a distraction.
Ben heads across the street to meet Pierce, who has already been told of his first meeting by his super-efficient secretary Nancy Kwan. Ben's American cowboy routine is going to get old very quickly. Obviously the smarter of the two on the team is Deborah, whose desire to make it in a man's world is apparently her overarching desire.
The business propositions are put on hold when Pierce finds out Burt's son has been kidnapped. There are two things very upsetting about it: first, the son had arrived on the plane with Ben and Deborah as a leverage chip and second, and this is unknown to everyone, the son (Steven Leigh) has the other half of the coin that has been missing since the first scene (or probably longer, but that's the first we saw of it). Burt finds out that Steven has been selling out the company secrets to Ben and that he has taken the half a coin. He curses his son to hell in the best Medea-like fashion. Pierce's way of dealing with the situation is to call on Khigh Dhiegh, who knows everything that goes on in Hong Kong (and who is worth $50 million, we find out a few scenes later).
Can you guess what Deborah wears to Pierce's party that night? Yes, white stockings. She learns all about the company history and the reasons John Rhys-Davies and Pierce are at odds (she could have just watched "Tai-Pan"). Ben roams the party and meets all of Hong Kong's power players, meeting Julia again in her role as seductress. Every mouth drops when John shows up. Eyebrows can't be raised higher than they are now among Hong Kong's fey elite. Ben tries to shove his deal down Pierce's throat, but Pierce doesn't agree to the terms, and Ben relents. The only sticking point seems to be that Ben demands Pierce sign the deal with Deborah, not with him. "A tai-pan only deals with a tai-pan," Pierce says, but it's not up for argument as far as Ben is concerned.
By the very fact that he's singing in the car, on a twisty small road means John Rhys-Davies is going to be in an accident (do you remember a 70s or 80s TV show where it doesn't happen?). The brakes are cut, but John survives. John is more interested in bringing Ben into his fold and destroying Pierce, though business propositions that are not at all exciting.
The kidnappers are a rather dimwitted gang and right before the credits roll to end the first episode, they have killed Steven and found the half coin around his neck, thinking it worthless.
The second part opens with Pierce taking Ben and White Stockings (yes, again) to dinner. Ben wants "Chinese food...you know, egg roll, chop suey..." and Pierce takes them for a stop first to see his gold bullion. Ben is worried that Deborah is falling for Pierce, and warns her against it. "Pick another guy...another time, another place," and Deborah chirps, "you're the boss." "You bet I am." It's dialogue this dimwitted that makes me long for "Shogun," where no one spoke English. There are a few dozen characters already, and not one of them has strung two intelligent sentences together yet (there isn't a hint of humor in "Noble House," so everyone has to be as serious as the bankers they are playing).
Our two villains cut a deal. Ben fronts all the money for a corporate raid on the Noble House and John will spread rumors to get the stock to fall (as he's done with a small bank to prove to Ben how important an operator he is). For $4 million ($31 Hong Kong dollars) in a Swiss bank account #181819 (it was the most interesting moment of a dull conversation, that's the only reason I remembered it), John and Ben will ruin Noble House. Bed finally lets White Stockings (yes, another day, another pair) in on his nefarious scheme and she likes the fact of playing both sides against the other, but I think we're all pretty sure when the chips are falling, Deborah will side with Pierce, no?
Here comes the hail storm. Pierce, Ben and Deborah stand watching the Hong Kong stock exchange while John dumps his Noble House stock and as the entire economy reels, Pierce buys up all the dumped stock, actually yelling above the huge din in the stock exchange and everyone stops chattering. Pierce and John argue with everyone listening. Now really!
Pierce goes to Khieg to borrow the money he needs to cover the losses, but Khieg wants Noble House ships to carry drugs in return. White Stockings shows up for a drink with Pierce wearing black stockings (and a black dress, who the hell designed this?). Ben chases Julia, asking her to be his date at a charity benefit that night where all of the players will regroup. These people do nothing but sip champagne and gossip.
The kidnappers get the ransom money, despite the fact that their captive is dead, but they have only about six seconds to enjoy it before Khieg's goons burst in and find out the truth. More bad news for Noble House.
At the party that night, Khieg shows up with everybody's favorite mistress (literally, she has a few sugar daddies among the banking community), Tia Carrere, as Venus Poon. Yup, Venus Poon. Thank goodness the world wasn't fully PC by 1988. She even has a tea-cup puppy. Frankly, her few seconds of screen time are more interesting than the conversations at the party, more about runs of banks, dirty deals and everyone pretending to be friendly. The eye game is playing with fervor. John looking at Ben arriving with Julia, Deborah noticing then eyeing Pierce. "This is Hong Kong, everybody..." Yeah, yeah, you can finish that sentence.
Just when you want to duck out of yet another series of ring 'round the room advances, a fire starts in the kitchen. Oh, I forgot to mention this party is on a floating boat. Pierce tries to stop everyone from panicking (it's not even his party), but no one wants a Chinese Poseidon Adventure. It's not a good time to be an extra. Some jump into the river on fire, some have hefty women fall on them and some get to jump four stories into the water in sequins. Our principals are trapped on the top floor and Deborah jumps first...but not before removing her dress to reveal the black stockings are patterned! Why did she remove her dress and no one else did? Next jumps Julia, who can't swim and then Ben jumps off with a pregnant woman we've never met. That leaves Pierce and John, the latter deciding to tell Pierce he still intends to sell more stock the next day. You know Pierce Brosnan, "unflappable" is his career middle name.
Khieg's henchmen find the half coin on Noble House Chen Number One Son (that's their dialogue, not mine) and the police find his body. The Chinese Superintendent, the one who isn't a moron, brings the news to Pierce, who reacts by asking him out for drinks later that night.
Ben goes over to Julia's, and she's looking sexy in shoulder pads and satin. Ben sees a picture of her with John Rhys-Davies and Julia explains that they were a couple together, her first love. She also reveals she's 25, which seems rather unlikely. As she tells the story, guess what she says? "This is Hong Kong. I'd rather you hear it from me." WE KNOW!!!!!!! Hong Kong is small and people talk. After flirting with Ben, she stops him when he starts to kiss her. You see, she has to be in love, and she's not in love with him. With anyone, she says. If ever there were a stupid soap opera scene, this is it.
The White Stockings are back. She brings up Julia and Ben gets a lot defensive. For someone so smart, he's gone all dumb for Julia. A true villain.
The second episode draws to an end as the police get some baffling information and the leads have yet another financial "it's all a game" chat.
The third portion starts with Julia apologizing to Ben. "I'm sorry I was such a twit." He's fine with that, the lovestruck fool! She then prattles on about the financial goings-on, only to say not to listen to anything she says. Is this dame bipolar?
Khieg is a very bad man. Not only does he kill the one remaining kidnapper, making sure if it's discovered, his son will take the fall and then turns his attentions to his drug business.
You know something? Everyone in the movie calls him Tai-Pan, so I will try to call him Pierce-Pan from now on, for consistency with the movie. That drink planned with the Chinese Superintendent? Go figure, the guy isn't there. He's being held in prison, subjected to every torture but waterboarding as they think he is a Chinese spy (do Chinese spies break under the use of LSD-trip music and visuals? If so, why not just show him "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" over and over, or perhaps drone out "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" like they did with the Branch Davidians).
I'll spare everyone the scene where Ben and Julia visit a whorehouse and Julia offers to buy any girl Ben wants and skip right to Pierce-Pan and White Stockings having a private dinner, where White Stockings (in all black since dinner is on a boat--she's learned her lesson from the night before) spills her dull life story and continues to chatter even after Pierce-Pan has started to kiss her. No one in this film ever gets laid!
From that romantic near-escapade, Pierce-Pan heads off to Khieg and son (pretending to be nephew). Khieg produces half a coin and demands a favor, even though Pierce-Pan knows it's a stolen coin as Khieg's half coin is already accounted for (this is the coin from Noble House Chen First Son).
Pierce-Pan is without many friends. He lowers himself to playing golf with representative from the man from Bank of China, a man who definitely seems the face of Communism, and ever has since the first scene. He won't put up the money, but he knows of a Chinese conglomerate who might. Another option is one of the dud financial friends Pierce-Pan who has, but he has to go to Macao to meet him.
Another friend list is trusty second-in-command Phillip. He admits to Pierce-Pan that his son had been working for Ben and had all their secrets. That is one Pissed Pierce-Pan.
White Stockings (in her first pair of pants) is swept off to Macao by Pierce-Pan. See, he can be ruthless and romantic at the same time. Of course, they spend the trip discussing plans to outwit Ben, so romance is hard to manage when White Stockings spends the boat ride sounding like a useless middle page of The Wall Street Journal.
Proving once again that "Noble House" has no sense of place, Ben and Julia waste an entire good beach walk by hearing Julia's history (which he's heard from John already).
After a 20-second tour of Macao, Pierce-Pan and his ally there sit down for a (zzzzzzz) financial discussion. Pierce-Pan and White Stockings go gambling where, of course, White Stockings, who professes to always lose, wins big. Then we get the standard 1980s bed scene: woman wrapped tight in a sheet, rests head on hairy hunk's chest during muted-tone discussion.
In an otherwise useless scene, Kheig does come up with a good line speaking of Pierce-Pan and White Stockings in bed: "I am pleased that one American is doing what the other is trying to do to him."
A lot is riding on the races, a miniature version of the financial dealings, so John tells his jockey he either beats Pierce-Pan's horse or he never works again. Someone has tampered with Pierce-Pan's horse to make it even touchier. Our whole cast goes off to the races, which enchants White Stockings, mainly because she thrills to the pricey sky box Pierce-Pan owns. John makes a very strange offer to White Stockings to take her on a boat ride the next day, despite a meteorological chance of rain. Everyone is at the races. Both of Virgin Poon's elderly suitors included. When one sees her with the other, he levels this classic oath: "May the gods curse you both. Even with all the techniques I've taught her, you can't make a wet noodle dance." Of course, that's immediately followed by another financial scheme I'm too dumb to understand and the third portion ends. Not a moment too soon, frankly, but so far, Part 3 is the dullest. Where is the Clavell action?
In Part 4 is the answer. Back at the races, Pierce-Pan invites a "strange group" of people to his box for some news later and the Victoria Bank acquires the Ho Pak Bank, the one John made to under to prove to Ben how unscrupulous he could be. Pierce-Pan let's a man who has to be the world's biggest jokey win. Price-Pan tells the gang that he's has made some fancy deal, proving that Noble House may be down, but not out yet!
Then the big race comes. John and Pierce-Pan's horses are the only ones that matter and everyone is tense watching them. John's jockey, no better than his boss, smacks Pierce-Pan's jokey with his crop, not only throwing him from his horse, but killing him. John fully approves.
The Bank of China won't help Pierce-Pan, but a conglomerate from The Middle King will on his recommendation. He has to go to Beijing in secret. That causes much consternation from White Stockings, who makes it a reason for a fight. Sex the night before must have been that good and if she can't get it again tonight, she might as well get all pissy.
The head of the conglomerate is an old friend of Pierce-Pan's. They haven't seen each other in 25 years. His friend puts a bunch of business terms on it, and also an extra one: get the Superintendent out of jail.
Every time Julia has appeared on screen, she gets porn music played behind her, but now that she and Ben are in love, it's arch romance. She wants to be with him in one sentence and in the next, she says she can't. Again, the dialogue is so vapid even daytime soaps wouldn't use it. In their next scene, they have sex and the porn music is back.
John takes White Stockings (in pants again, and all dressed up) on a boat ride. She goes along hoping to learn something about his intentions for Noble House, but he's far too smart to let anything important slip. And then it gets ugly. John puts the moves on White Stockings, and it's obvious she wouldn't stand a chance if he really wanted to do it because he's about 200 pounds larger. The script gives White Stockings an opportunity to prove how truly lacking she is upstairs. Indignant, she begs to be let out of the locked room. "Turn the handle the other way," John says. She didn't even think to try that? And this is a woman managing a multi-billion dollar company? When he lets her off the boat, he's still laughing nefariously.
Pierce-Pan races to the Governor (John Houseman, looking about 176 years old) to ask his help in the release of the arrested Superintendent. The Commissioner is also there, arguing the case on the opposite. Pierce-Pan argues that without Chinese support, Hong Kong business will die. "It is not blackmail...it is survival," he roars, surprising the Governor and Commissioner.
Finally, 45 minutes before the end, we get a patented bit of Clavell-ex-machina (he likes storms, earthquakes and the like) when a landslide destroys a gigantic building. It happens to be the building in which Khieg is playing with Venus Poon and Ben is resting after Julia went out to buy some food. As she and White Stockings watch in horror, Pierce-Pan jumps in to help and even John agrees to help since Ben is in there. The script makes John so utterly reprehensible that he accuses Pierce-Pan of going in to find him simply for the upcoming deal. Ben is trapped, but alive, and able to discuss business. Not so lucky is Khieg. Hi son finds his body and takes the half coin from it.
"How tough is it to get married in Hong Kong?" Ben asks, just seconds before another landslide drowns him. Awwwwwww.
John had heard Pierce-Pan telling Ben that Noble House was going to be saved by the Chinese conglomerate and that news ruins all plans John had.
For absolutely no reason at all but to prove herself, White Stockings (wearing none this time) fires her next-in-line when he pisses her off (this is the first time we've even met him). She's an 80s-style bitch now.
Kiegh's son comes to Pierce-Pan, showing him the coin and demanding his favor. Actually, he makes a bunch of demands, and the only one Pierce-Pan is hesitant about is to help him get in on the Macao gambling. Just as that meeting ends, Pearl Cream Queen Nancy Kwan tells him the release of his friend the Superintendent is happening. Pierce-Pan is there to watch him cross the boarder. He does so and Noble House is saved.
White Stockings, who has been suspicious of Julia all along, pays her a visit. Julia goes full Camille portraying a grief-stricken "widow." White Stockings invites Julia to return to America with her and they both hope they can be friends. At least that's wrapped up too! That was a far more important plo...oh, hell, no one ever cared about it.
Pierce-Pan wants White Stockings-Pan (she's the head of Ben's company now) to stay in Hong Kong, but she has to go back to the US. "I bet you've never kissed a Tai-Pan before," she says. "Not in the lobby of this hotel," Pierce-Pan coos back.
Now it only remains to finish off John, but with a twist. John would be ruined if Pierce-Pan opens the stock market with a planned high price for Noble House stock, but he allows John to buy in cheaper because the two know they can't play the game without each other.
Pierce-Pan and White Stockings-Pan have a kiss-off at the end, but she says she'll be back. I'm sure all of Hong Kong is hoping otherwise. The Tai-Pan can do better, even if Venus Poon is dead.
The energy and adventure of of "Shogun" is long gone by the time "Noble House" even starts. Perhaps because this is technically a piece about the undramatic topic of finance, or because massive chunks of Clavell's book have disappeared to keep this to a viable length or perhaps because the acting, save the deadpan honesty of Pierce Brosnan and the gleefully nastiness of John Rhys-Davies, is plain bad, this piece speaks of a dying art form, the miniseries in decline, going for glitz with nothing much to back it up.
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